Anna Richardson terrifies me. She’s made decisions on her face which has left her looking like something from the planet Quirky. Her face is perfectly symmetrical and her teeth oddly uniform. On top of all that, she’s prone to annoying the shit outta me.

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Jesus on stilts! Just when you thought the Come Dine With Me (Channel 4, Thursday, 10 June, 9pm) franchise was feeling tired, they come along and pull a Footballers Special out of the bag and had me falling about laughing.

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Channel 4 love a Bodyshock show. It gives them the chance to be sensitive and kind to someone with an unusual illness whilst secretly erecting a sign behind your back that says ‘freak show’ while you cry. And last night, they did it again with Our Daughter, The Mermaid (Channel 4, Tuesday, 18 May, 10pm).

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Why on Earth would anyone watch more than one episode of Supersize vs Superskinny (Channel 4, Tuesday, 13 April, 8pm). Okay, you might watch a handful by accident, in the hope that it’ll change in some way, but really, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all, right?

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Whilst everyone was gearing up for some proper telly over the Easter Weekend, watching the new Doctor Who and programmes about Jeezis, I did the usual thing and found myself in the wriggling, festering margins. Notably, I went straight to Viva and watched My Super Sweet 16 UK.

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When the Beeb started showing the trailers for Invisible Worlds (BBC One, Tuesday, 30 March, 9pm), I was quite excited. Yes, and that was with the knowledge that the irritating Richard Hammond was presenting it. Basically, I assumed it would be a throwaway piece of TV that made my eyes drop out of the sockets in astonishment at loads of cool images and little else. Sadly, that’s not the case.

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As this weekend was a bit of a sportsfest, and sporting events are almost impossible to cover on a TV site without turning into a review of the game, I figured I’d watch some dross. And so, I tuned in for a repeat of Project Runway (Sky Three, Sunday, 14 March, 7pm).

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Auntie wanted to take us all Inside John Lewis (BBC Two, Wednesday, 10 March, 9pm) last night. In fairness, I’ve never been in a John Lewis. No, it’s not like being inside John Malkovich and steering him like a bald ship. It’s a shop. And, in fairness, if you wanted to go inside John Lewis, you could just walk into your nearest shop and claim that you’re a TV show.

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You have to give some respect to Jo Frost. Why? Well, no-one likes children unless they gave birth to them. Children are all thick and fart on everything. Yet, here’s Frost, actually wanting to hang around with strange children. She actually seems to enjoy the little idiots even when they’re displaying behaviour so appalling that you wonder why no-one ever passed a law that let us kick irritating kids into the sea.

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