Archive for the ‘Reality TV’ Category

Review: Tom Daley’s Splash! ITV1. Omid Djalili’s dive saves the day

Monday, January 7th, 2013

Omid Djalili after completing his rather impressive dive from the 10m high board

Maybe it was seeing Tom Daley and a few B-list celebrities without many clothes on (I’m thinking the Sugababes girl and Benidorm actor here, rather than Helen Lederer or Omid Djalili)? Or maybe it was the fact that there really wasn’t much else on telly that night and it was a cold evening.

Whatever, it seems that Splash! really did make a Splash! in the ratings on Saturday, reaching over 6 million (sad?) people. Certainly it was as cheesy as hell. Right down there with the rest of ITV’s reality TV programmes. But in my opinion whatever brings the art of diving to a greater audience has to be a good thing.

For years councils up and down the land have been mercilessly ripping out diving boards at local pools for fear of being sued if someone lands on the boards on their head, so it’s about time that diving – one of the most technically complex and frightening of Olympic sports – began to fight back. The show is filmed at the brand spankingly new £26 million Inspire leisure centre in Luton, complete with Olympic sized swimming pool, and rarely has Luton looked this good on camera, thanks largely to some nice red lighting illuminating the boards.

Presented by Gabby Logan and Vernon Kay, who looked like an accountant who has just rolled his trousers up to go for a walk on the beach (those long shorts looked terrible), the show wasn’t without its moments, including Jo Brand’s judging commentary – the wittiest I’ve ever seen her. But if ex-Olympic diver Leon Taylor was supposed to be Simon Cowell (ie the bad guy on the panel) it didn’t really work.

Ultimately the problem with diving as a massive spectator sport is that it’s over in a few seconds. Really I think each of the divers needed to have at least a  couple of dives so there is a bit more to judge them on. Other than the dive off at the end following the cheesy elimination process of the rubbish divers (Helen Lederer being the worst by some distance) we only got to see them once. Perhaps it was because there simply wasn’t time to cram it all in alongside the inevitable emotionally heart wrenching back story about how the contestants were scared out of their wits by water/heights/diving etc.

Still, even if you hated the programme, it was undoubtedly worth watching for Omid Djalili’s performance alone. The actor/comedian is a big fella and when he said he was going off the top 10m board (the height of more than double decker buses) I feared the audience members might be in for a chloriney water soaked shower. Would it be like Peter Kay bombing into the pool in the John Smith’s ad or would it be a fat man embarrassingly belly flopping into the pool? Actually it was neither. It was a fairly decent dive – OK with a bit of over rotation – but better than anything I could do. The man clearly has guts. You can see it here:

You can see the divers who took part in Saturday’s episode below:

Splash! with Tom Daley

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Olympic diver Tom Daley is the mentor for the celeb divers





Dancing On Ice 2013: Meet the celeb skaters

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

It’s back! Dancing On Ice, the celebrity ‘reality’ show that demands the most work of the contestants while offering the least reward. Seriously, which of the former winners have gone on to do particularly well? We reckon you’d even struggle to remember who actually won in previous years. Go on, try and remember Sam Attwater or Hayley Tamaddon. Or Gaynor Faye. Yet these poor people have to spend weeks learning not only how to skate but how to dance while skating. No easy task.

Anyhow, here are the runners and riders for the new series, which kicks of on ITV on Sunday the 6th of January.

Anthea Turner

Anthea hasn’t been on our TV screens much since the ill-advised incident at her marriage to Grant Bovey when they ate Cadbury’s chocolate bars for money. A cheap stunt that backfired quite severely and which Anthea probably doesn’t want anyone to mention any more. Oops.

Beth Tweddle

Beth is an multi-medal winning artistic gymnast, which must surely make her a favourite to win the show. All she has to do is learn to skate and she should walk it. Bit of a ringer, truth be told.

Gareth Thomas

2013 should be quite a year for Gareth as he is due to be the subject of a Hollywood biopic. Mickey Rourke was due to be playing Gareth but has recently dropped out, presumably because the film would have to end with Gareth’s appearance on Dancing On Ice and Rourke would look insane in lycra.

Joe Pasquale

Come on Pasquale, you’ve already been King of the Jungle. Let someone else have a go!

Keith Chegwin

Here’s hoping Cheggers doesn’t decide to make this series of Dancing On Ice the second time he’s appeared on TV nude.

Lauren Goodger

The latest of the woeful crop of ‘scripted reality’ show ‘stars’ to make the move to ‘proper’ ‘reality’ shows, Lauren will be rubbish at skating. You watch, rubbish.

Luke Campbell

Hull’s Olympic boxing hero, Luke has wasted no time in making a bid for TV stardom. You’d think he’d be to busy building a boxing career to take part but apparently not.

Matt Lapinskas

This year’s token Ex-Eastender. We’re seriously struggling to remember who he played. Was it Dirty Den?

Oona King

So Oona used to be an MP but lost her seat to George Galloway, then Galloway went on Celebrity Big Brother and made a complete fool of himself, now he’s an MP again. Will Oona be attempting to do the same thing by making a complete fool of herself on Dancing On Ice and then running for parliament again? We hope so.

Pamela Anderson

A few years ago, getting Pamela Anderson on Dancing On Ice would have been a genuine coup. Now it just weems weird. One for the dads, though.

Samia Ghadie

This year’s token Corrie star. ITV know how to get the most value from their salaried artistes, don’t they.

Shayne Ward

Go on, think real hard, you remember the name don’t you, yes, no, do you want a clue? OK, he won X Factor. No? Still don’t remember? Neither do we.

X Factor: What happened to the past winners?

Monday, December 10th, 2012

So James Arthur has fought off double-pronged attacks from a 9-foot tall, perma-tanned, blubbing scouser and a midget bible-basher with weirdly angular hair to become the winner of X Factor 2012. And doesn’t he seem delighted about it? No, he doesn’t. He just continues to shuffle around sulkily like a grumpy teenager who’s been told to tidy his room. Maybe it’s because now that he’s a somebody for the night he’s realised he has to start the hard work of becoming a nobody again.

You see, though they are famous for a while and some of them shift a few singles, most X Factor winners subsequently become spectacularly unsuccessful. Don’t believe us? Let’s take a look at the Ghosts of Winners Past then, shall we?

2004 – Steve Brookstein

Yeah, see? We’ve proven our point already! Brookstein won, released a Phil Collins cover version and then got dropped. He has spent the intervening years complaining about winning, about releasing a Phil Collins cover version and about being dropped.

He now claims to be a jazz singer.

2005 – Shayne Ward

He may have sold over 3 million records since winning but Mr Ward is now appearing in ‘80’s themed musical’ Rock Of Ages instead of being a pop star. He hasn’t troubled the charts for 5 years.

2006 – Leona Lewis

OK, we admit, she did alright. International hits etc, etc. BUT she still lives in Hackney, so can she really considered a success.

2007 – Leon Jackson

We know – who? We can’t remember him either. Apparently he was Scottish. Ring any bells? No? Let’s just move on.

2008 – Alexandra Burke

Success-wise, Alexandra Burke is kind of Leona Lewis-light. She had a few hits and still lingers in the periphery of the media, but really she’s all but had it. The only recent news we could find about her was that she bought a Range Rover. Says it all.

2009 – Joe McElderry

Yeah. Nice lad. That’s about all though, eh? Does musicals, releases Christmas albums, smiles a lot, makes a living. Good luck to him.

2010 – Matt Cardle

First single – No.1, second single – No.6, third single No.185. Say no more.

2011 – Little Mix

A bit early to tell how these munchkins dragged through a branch of Claire’s Accessories will get on. After a year of frantic dieting and photoshopping their debut album has only just come out. It could take anything from 2 to 6 months for them to hit the bargain bins.

Charlie Brooks condemns I’m A Celebrity for going ‘too far’

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

The new I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Queen of the Jungle Charlie Brooks has lashed out at the show’s producers for involving her daughter in the one of the show’s trials.

Brooks’s daughter Kiki was hidden behind one of four doors in a jungle trial while she and Eric Bristow tried to pick which one had the best prize behind. They did not pick the right door and so Brooks did not get to see her daughter.

Now that she has left the show, Brooks has said that producers went “too far” by involving her daughter. She told the Sun: “I signed up for this show, but Kiki didn’t. I didn’t want her to be so upset. I had no idea this was happening. It was my lowest point. My mum gave the green light for her to be there because it was an opportunity for Kiki to see me – and I think she thought she would.”

She continued: “I felt like I’d been kicked when I realised she had been behind that door. I felt so sad for both of us and I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards. I kept picturing Kiki’s face. She would have been excited about seeing me and nervous about being on the show – and then disappointed when we failed the task. Afterwards I went straight up and spoke to the show bosses. They said she ‘had a moment’, but assured me she was okay after they gave her a bowl of ice cream.”

Brooks outrage appears to have stopped short of refusing her fee for the show, however.

Helen Flanagan booted out of I’m A Celebrity with the worst bushtucker performance. Ever!

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

I'm a Celebrity: Helen Flanagan

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Taking a relaxing shower in the jungle. Don't worry Helen no one's looking.

Former Coronation Street star Helen Flanagan became the latest contestant to leave the jungle maintaining that she was proud of her performance despite having achieved the worst performance in the bushtucker trials ever.

Appearing a little dazed and confused as she left the camp to be interviewed about her time on the show, Flanagan described her exit as ‘completely crazy’ given that the jungle had been her entire life for the past two weeks.

Flanagan then asked for a pillow to cringe into as a VT of her best and worst trial moments were shown, with Dec informing her that she was statistically the worst contestant ever after managing five trials without winning a single meal.

Helen Flanagan cringed as she watched back her I’m A Celebrity bushtucker trials:

‘When I first came on the show I thought I’d be able to do all the trials,’ she said. ‘I didn’t think they would be as hard as they were.

‘But even though the trials were bad I’m still proud as I feel I tried my best.’

Helen admitted that Eric had ‘really annoyed’ her throughout her time on the show, but insisted that while she was irritated by her jungle buddies she still ‘loved every single person in the camp’. Yeah right, Helen.

The 10 Best I’m A Celeb Moments

Monday, November 26th, 2012

With the current series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here proving a little thin on classic moments we thought we’d trawl the archives to find some highlights from previous series.

Now, admittedly, this list contains a lot of eating trials but, let’s be honest, they are always the best bits. And we have included the greatest trial in the history of the programme. That’s right – Gaffney!

Helen Flanagan and Nadine Dorries 2012

Robert Kilroy-Silk 2008

Joe Swash and Nicola McLean 2008

Part 2

Dean Gaffney 2006

Martina Navratilova 2008

Stacey Solomon 2010

Shaun Ryder and Gillian McKeith 2010

Fatima Whitbread 2011

Mark Wright and Freddie Star 2011

Katie Price and Kim Woodburn 2009

The truth about Brian Conley’s I’m A Celeb exit finally revealed

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

After days of avoidance, obfuscation and evasion the real reason why Brian Conley left I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has been revealed, by Conley himself.

Speaking on Daybreak he said that producers had removed him from the show after he refused to take prescribed anti-depressants.

Conley was only allowed to take part in the show if he took his pills so producers were given no choice but to remove him when he refused. He left shortly after being seen crying as a result of an argument with fellow contestant David Haye.

He says that exhaustion and malnutrition also played a part in the deterioration of his condition: “Two days after six days of not eating, I didn’t have antidepressants. They said if I did not comply with these regulations, then I would not be on the show. I started feeling really bad, and very shortly after that I did have to leave. I found out I was malnutritioned (sic) and I was suffering from exhaustion, that’s what the doctor said. They then sedated me for two days, they gave me a tablet that could knock out a horse and I woke up with a saline drip in my arm. I was thinking, ‘What on earth has happened here?’ All because of a fluffy show that Ant & Dec do. I can tell you it’s not fluffy out there, it’s the real world. It’s tough, real tough.”

The reason for Conley’s exit wasn’t mentioned during the ITV show, only that he had left the jungle and was recuperating.

Conley also says that the jungle experience has helped him with his depression and his reliance on medication to deal with it: “I’ve taken those for 15 years, I’ve had people say, ‘You probably don’t need them now’. I’m proud I stuck to my guns and I got through it, and it’s made me a much stronger man. You’re looking at a man who doesn’t need antidepressants.”

A Beginner’s Guide To Helen Flanagan – All you need to know about the jungle babe

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

She may be currently ‘wowing’ the nation by wearing a series of very revealing bikinis and crying at the sight of anything that comes within 10 feet of her, but Helen Flanagan did, in fact, have a life before joining I’m A Celebrity Get me Out Of Here. Not a very varied one, but a life just the same.


Helen was born in 1989 in Bury and went to school until she was 10 years old. She then joined Coronation Street (in 2000) and continued to go to school while playing Kevin and Sally Webster’s daughter Rosie.


Rosie, you may remember, had been born in a taxi on Christmas Day. Helen was not, as far as we can ascertain, born in a taxi. But she might have been. We can’t rule it in or out, to be honest.


Nothing much then happened to Rosie (or Helen) for a few years until she suddenly turned into a schoolgirl minx and started seducing her teacher John Stape (this is Rosie now, not Helen. Again, as far as we know). Then, almost overnight, Rosie turned into complete flibbertigibbet. The producers seemed to take any opportunity to include scenes where Rosie needed to appear wearing just her underwear, she started trying to pull all the men in Weatherfield, wearing very skimpy outfits and behaving, generally, like a bit of a gold-digging slapper.


Helen, meanwhile, started dating footballer Scott Sinclair.


After Helen took a 3-month break from the soap in 2011 life started to imitate ‘art’ as Rosie was a fairly unsuccessful model in the show and Helen decided to quit Corrie to become a sort-of unsuccessful model. She has dedicate the last few months of her life to a couple of fairly low profile modelling jobs that involved her wearing very few clothes and tweeting pictures of herself wearing very few clothes.


And now she has returned to our screens! Wearing very few clothes and squawking. Welcome back, Helen!



Meet the I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here contestants

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

It’s that time again. A smatterin of C list celebrities don khaki and spend a couple of weeks sweating, rowing, starving, sulking and eating animal testicles. I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is back. Ace.

The show starts on Sunday at 9PM on ITV1 but today the line-up was officially announced and the runners and riders revealed to a faintly interested public.

Here’s our guide to who’s who, who isn’t who and who isn’t who you thought they were.

Helen Flanagan

I'm a Celebrity: Helen Flanagan

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Taking a relaxing shower in the jungle. Don't worry Helen no one's looking.

See Helen Flanagan in the Jungle Shower above! ALL PICTURES:

Helen is probably best known for playing Coronation Street ‘model’ and flibbertigibbet Rosie Webster. She left the show earlier this year and since then has concentrated on his new career of posting pictures of herself in skimpy clothing on Twitter.

Expect to see Helen in a bikini with seconds of the show starting and shots of her checking her reflection in any available mirrored surface.

You can see her in the jungle shower in the gallery below!

David Haye
David used to be a WBA world boxing champion but since retiring has concentrated on his first love – worm charming. David spends up to 14 hours per day wandering around his garden using various implements to mimic the sound of rain on the ground, this tempts the worms to the surface and David then collects them. ‘I don’t do anything with them’, David told us ‘I just find the activity relaxing. Normally I just take the worms round to Ricky Hatton’s house and release them in his raised vegetable beds. It drives him crackers.’

Colin Baker
Former Doctor Who Colin has found it very difficult to let go of the role that made him famous. Though hasn’t played the Doctor since 1986 he still wears the costume every day and insists on calling his bathroom ‘The Tardis’. He also has a sonic screwdriver (which is actually a normal Philips that he’s painted silver) and a cat called K-9. This used to be a dog but he had to give it away when he found he was allergic to it.

Brian Conley
Brian Conley started began his comedy career while still welder in the shipyards of Glasgow. He used to play banjo and sing in folk clubs and found that his between song banter was lasting longer than the songs so he started getting gigs as a comic. After he appeared on the Parkinson chat show in 1975 he became a household star and swiftly rose to become on of the best loved comedians in the UK. He married Pamela Anderson, stopped drinking and found fame in the US before returning to the UK to play Buttons in Cinderella every year since 1993. No, wait, we’re getting confused here.

Eric Bristow
Darts legend Eric Bristow is also known as ‘The Craft-obsessed Cockney’ as he dedicates his spare time to various undemanding handiwork pastimes. He makes model planes, enjoys decoupage and is renowned for his quilling. In 2002 he was given a lifetime membership of Hobbycraft’s loyalty scheme and celebrated by learning to crochet. He now makes all his own clothes.

Hugo Taylor
No idea who this bloke is.

Charlie Brooks
Better known as ‘Janine off of Eastenders’ Charlie is hoping that her experience in the jungle will open up new career paths. ‘I really want to be a snake wrangler’, she says ‘I hope that I will get to handle a few while in Oz and learn more about them. I tried to get the producers of Eastenders to write a snake into the soap but they wouldn’t have it. I wanted Janine to carry a snake round her neck everywhere she went, like as a character trait, but they said it would prove “logistically difficult” and kiboshed the idea. Good job really cos I’m terrified of them. Slimy little buggers.’

Linda Robson
It seems Linda Robson was booked by the I’m A Celeb production team in error. ‘We thought we were getting the dark haired one who played Dorian’, an insider told us ‘but I guess we’ll have to make do. Shame really, Dorian would have been funnier but there you go, she’s here now.’

Nadine Dorries
The inclusion of serving MP Nadine Dorries in this series has already caused great controversy. Not because no one has really heard of her, or because she will be missing important parliamentary business to appear in the show, ut because it’s obvious that no-one else will get voted to do a bush tucker trial. Expect at least the first five publicly voted trials to feature Nadine and absolutely every eating trial. There’s going to be a tory MP eating kangaroo cock on our TV’s for weeks. Great, innit?

Ashley Roberts
Used to be in Pussy Cat Dolls, or something. Meh.


X-Factor for geeks? Simon Cowell and discuss TV hunt for tech entrepreneurs

Monday, October 1st, 2012

XFactor-tech.jpgNews has been spreading like wildfire across the internet this morning that super knowledgeable tech experts (and fame whores) Simon Cowell and are soon to be launching the hunt for the next big name in the industry to rival the likes of Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. Yep, we have no words either.

According to The Telegraph today, at a recent event in London of Black Eyed Peas and stupid hat and glasses fame, revealed that he would be teaming up with Cowell to start a new tech-based endeavour:

“We’re working on a project called X Factor for tech — and it’s going to be out of this world.

“Singing and performance create a couple of jobs. But this will create lots.

“It’s about getting in touch with youth and giving them a platform to express themselves — whether that’s in science or mathematics.”

OK so it sounds fairly positive in theory if’s jumbled and vague explanation is anything to go by and it’ll be a great move if it gets “in touch with youth” about tech. Whatever that actually means.

We also imagine it’d be super entertaining, like some kind of X Factor, Dragon’s Den, Apprentice and hopefully even Battle Royale hybrid.

But on the other hand it all just seems far too contrived. But what else were you expecting from a member of The Black Eyed Peas and the big S-Co?

Via Shiny Shiny

I’m A Celebrity cast takes shape as Eric Bristow and Linda Robson sign up

Thursday, September 27th, 2012

Several sources are stating that former darts legend Eric ‘Crafty Cockney’ Bristow and Linda ‘Her from Brids of a Feather’ Robson have both signed up for the upcoming series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. They join Helen ‘Rosie Webster in Corrie’ Flanagan, Ryan ‘Jason Grimshaw in Corrie’ Thomas and Grace ‘Bound to really good value’ Jones in the ‘they’re-probably-doing-it’ file.

The new series doesn’t start until November so expect plenty more rumours and confirmations on the coming weeks. Apparently recently retired MP Louise Mensch is on the producer’s wish list and presenters Ant & Dec want Chris Moyles. We reckon they’re both long shots. We shall see……

Gary Lineker appeals to Simon Cowell to do the right thing

Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

For the past few years one of the later live shows of the X Factor has aired at the same time as the Sports Personality of the Year. Both shows have suffered reduced ratings as a result. With 2012 being a landmark year for British sport, SPOTY host Gary Lineker has taken matters into his own hands by tweeting X Factor boss Simon Cowell directly to appeal to him to avoid a schedule clash.

Lineker tweeted: “Be a lovely gesture and mark of respect to our wonderful athletes if X Factor didn’t run against SPOTY. What do you think @SimonCowell?”

There was no response from Cowell but Lineker later retweeted a message from Mirror journalist Mark Jefferies which said: “Good news @GaryLineker and sport fans, I’ve been told by ITV spokesman there’s “no chance” X Factor will clash with SPOTY.”

How the clash will be avoided has still not been revealed and there has been no official statement from either the BBC or ITV so the stand off may yet happen. Watch this space….

Bruce Forsyth and Louis Walsh capture valuable headlines with pointless feud

Friday, September 14th, 2012

With X Factor struggling in the ratings and the new series of Strictly Come Dancing launching tomorrow, both shows need is to grab as many tabloid pages as possible to increase ratings. If only there was some way that they could do that. What’s that you say? There is? Wonderful.

Apparently, a couple of years ago, Strictly host Bruce ‘Brucie, nice to see you, good game, what do points make, not in this game, I’m in charge, hands off the wig’ Forsyth had some kind of war of words with X Factor ‘judge’ Louis ‘Louis, Louis, woah, we got to go now’ Walsh and they have decided to reignite it just in time for both of their programmes to get a tabloid boost. What fortuitous timing.

We won’t spoil your tea by going into too many details but it seems Louis thinks Bruce should retire and Bruce thinks Louis is a bizarrely coiffured idiot who’s over-reliance on botox has left him looking like a shiny-faced weirdo. Or something like that. We’re paraphrasing, obviously.

Who’s right, who’s wrong, who cares, what will happen next in this facile, manufactured war? Find out in the next exciting episode of TV Scoop.

Red or Black cancelled: Is Simon Cowell’s empire crumbling?

Monday, September 10th, 2012

With the Sun reporting that the Simon Cowell produced ITV show Red or Black has been axed, X Factor suffering deteriorating ratings and rumours of ill-health we ask ‘Is the end is sight for Simon Cowell’s TV empire?’

Despite giving away TV’s biggest ever prize (£1.5 million) and enjoying 5 million viewers, the Ant & Dec-fronted show Red or Black has been deemed a flop and has seemingly been dropped by ITV. The show is produced by Cowell.

Then, after heavy criticism last series, the current season of the X Factor has seen ratings drop every week and the most recent show was watched by 2.9 million fewer viewers than the equivalent show last year.

In addition, a new biography claims that Cowell has been using tablets and pills to keep up with the intense schedule of shooting the American version of the X Factor and that he was turning into a ‘weird vampire’. The book – Sweet Revenge, the intimate life of Simon Cowell – claims that Cowell confided in X Factor judge Louis Walsh: “I don’t want any more tablets and pills. I’m cutting out the lot, including cigarettes. I desperately need peace. I’m craving normality. I’ve got to work out my demons and come out of it. I have to get back to where I was years ago. I had to stop reading texts at three in the morning and making calls later and later. I wanted peace.”

If you take all of this together it certainly seems that the cracks are finally starting to show in the carefully constructed Cowell empire, who knows maybe ITV’s Saturday night schedule may soon need another overhaul.

X Factor moves their final to Manchester

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Bosses at the X Factor have confirmed that the final of the upcoming series will move from its traditional London base to the Manchester Central Centre.

Show sponsors TalkTalk will be giving away 10,000 tickets to the final, which will feature this year’s judging panel Gary Barlow, Nicole Scherzinger, Tulisa and Louis Walsh. Walsh said: “Our live final is going to be another major event – so The X Factor 2012 has everything! I believe it’s going to be our best series yet.”

The last series of the show has been criticised by both show boss Simon Cowell and Gary Barlow, who called the contestants ‘lazy’. As expected, though, all of the judges are being extremely enthusiastic about this year’s run, which starts this Saturday at 8PM on ITV1.

See the new video from Britain’s Got Talent’s Mr ‘Where’s me keys?’ Zip

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Finally, at long last, after months of worry that the whole thing would be a storm in a teacup, the video for Mr Zip’s magnificent ‘Where’s me keys, where’s me phone?’ has arrived.

When the song first aired on the last series of Britain’s Got Talent it caused a frenzied reaction. People all over the country were asking each other ‘did you see that bloke on telly?….y’know….the keys thing’ or writing to the Prime Minister demanding that the song be made the new national anthem (we made that bit up). Well now the full-on, bells-and-whistles single version is here for your delectation and you can watch the accompanying video below.

Mr Zip (also known as Zipparah Tafari) releases the single via Sony Music on August the 19th. So now you can all rest easy.

Are ITV planning to drop the X Factor?

Saturday, June 30th, 2012

The Daily Star are today claiming that ITV may be looking to replace their Saturday night megahit the X Factor.

The last series was deemed by many to have been a relative disappointment and, with Simon Cowell again missing from this year’s judging panel, it looks like there are plenty of people around ready to sound the death knell for the show.

The paper are quoting a ‘senior ITV source’ as saying: “Every television network is always looking for the next big thing. They’d be crazy not to. X Factor has had a brilliant run, but no show lasts for ever. Over the past few years Simon Cowell has been the main source for many of our top hits but some feel that we’ve got too many eggs in one basket and we’ve become too reliant on one man.”

Scrap a show that is still raking far more money than it costs to produce AND risk the ire of Cowell, one of TV’s most successful moguls? Seems a bit unlikely. We think it’s far to early to write the show off.

X Factor 2012 judges confirmed – here’s the first official picture

Monday, June 18th, 2012

The judging line up for the 9th series of the X Factor has been released. It will once again feature Gary Barlow, Louis Walsh and Tulisa Contostavlos but Kelly Rowland has been replaced by former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger.

Sherzinger has been quoted as saying: “I’m so excited to join the UK X Factor family. It’s where I got my start, so it feels great to come full circle. I can’t wait to see what talent the UK has to offer and to help inspire and bring out the best in these artists.”

She had previously been a guest judge on the show. This series will also feature Geri Halliwell, Rita Ora, Leona Lewis, Mel B and Anastacia as guest judges.


Big Brother returns: Here’s our guide to the new housemates

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

As Big Brother returns for another run on Channel 5, many of you will be wondering ‘Is that thing still a thing?’ Well, apparently it is.

For around the next 47½ months we can all ‘enjoy’ seeing a load of deluded halfwits lying on couches, lying on beds, lying in hot tubs or lying on kitchen surfaces while they moan endlessly about running out of hair product. Dear, oh, dear. What has humanity become?

Actually, what with the Olympics, Wimbledon and Euro 2012 to divert our attention this could actually be the year that viewing figures finally reach zero and they kick the whole thing into touch. Fingers crossed, eh?

Anyhoo, just in case there are any of you out there planning to watch this year’s Dreck-athon, here’s a run down of the pitiful creatures you’ll be gawping at:

BENEDICT GARRETT, 32 – Botswana-born zither player Benedict is allergic to marzipan, French cheeses, talcum powder and fun. He was once caught with 12 items in his basket at a 10-items-or-less checkout queue.

ADAM KELLY, 27 – A former hedge fund manager, Adam gave up his job when he discovered that it had nothing to do with hedges.

SHIEVONNE ROBINSON, 28 – Shievonne pronounces her name ‘Chav-one’. It’s the only interesting thing about her.

LAUREN CARRE, 20 – A very unique contestant. Lauren is the first housemate to come from Iceland, the first to have gills and the first to dress entirely in tinfoil.

ARRON LOWE, 23 – Despite being born with 7 tongues, devote creationist Arron is a world champion yodeller and the great grandson of former snooker commentator Ted Lowe.

SARA McLEAN, 22 – There is nothing whatsoever interesting to tell you about Sara McLean.

DEANA UPPAL, 23 – Party girl Deanna likes to pretend that she got her surname because she’s always ‘Up-All’ night. In fact it was her step-dad’s name which she was forced to take when her mother remarried. Her original surname ironically being ‘Narcoleptic’

CONOR MCINTYRE, 24 – Rangers fan Conor is fanatical about hometown football club. He has been to every game since he was 3, he has every room in his flat painted bright blue, he has the club badge tattooed across every part of his chest and lower abdomen and he once broke into Ibrox and stole some of the pitch so he could replant his back garden as a tribute to the club. A crime for which he spent 3 years on probation.

SCOTT MASON, 20 – Scott Mason is the nephew of fictional TV detective Perry Mason. You know, the one who was in a wheelchair. No, hang on that was Ironside. Anyway, you get the idea.

LYDIA LOUISA, 25 – The youngest ever housemate, or at least she would be if she was 7 years younger. A fact which causes Lydia great and furious consternation. The housemate most likely to get ‘stabby’.

VICTORIA EISERMANN, 41 – Recently released from the psychiatric wing of Holloway Prison, Victoria is hoping to use her appearance in the house to gain public sympathy before an appeal against her 17 year conviction for tickling a police horse.

CHRIS JAMES, 21 – The only thing we can find out about Chris is that his mam thinks he walks funny.

CAROLINE WHARRAM, 20 – 7’3” Sumo wrestler Caroline once tied herself to Edwina Curry as a protest about the price of eggs. No-one is quite sure how long this event lasted for as it generated no public interest whatsoever.

ASHLEIGH HUGHES, 20 – The housemate with the most body hair, Ashleigh must shave her entire torso every 6 hours or she overheats and has to be hospitalised. Doctors have expressed severe concern about her involvement in the programme.

LUKE ANDERSON, 31 – Luke works in a garden centre in his home town of Worthing. He is in charge of Geraniums.

LUKE SCRASE, 24 – Luke also works in a garden centre in his hometown, this time of Hastings. He is in charge of Begonias. Expect fireworks between these two.

ANTHONY, 33 – The first of three contestants who apparently thought it would be ‘cooler’ to not use their surname while in the house. So we’ll just call him Anthony Cakmangler. That’ll teach him.

BHAVESH, 30 – Another one with no surname. Let’s call him Bhavesh Bumtickler.

REBECCA, 19 – Last one (thank God). Erm, we’ll call her Rebecca Loos-stools. That’ll do.

Britain’s Got Talent 2012 Final: Pudsey voted top dog

Saturday, May 12th, 2012

Britain's Got Talent 2012: Ashleigh and Pudsey

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Always thought something a little bit different was going to win BGT this year and am not at all surprised it was the dog. I think people are a bit bored of karaoke acts and genuinely want to see original and interesting talent.

And while I would have loved the synchronised swimmers Aquabatique to have scooped first prize (original and truly difficult to perform) I’m not at all surprised it was Pudsey who proved to be the competition’s top dog. With a whopping half a million quid prize money that’s an awful lot of Pedigree Chum!

Obviously there is no getting away from the fact that dogs are cute and this one especially, but there was something about his owner Ashleigh and her genuine warmth and love for Pudsey that shone through. Tonight’s Mission Impossible, or should that be im-pawsible, routine, was inspired though Jonathan and Charlotte – the opera singers – proved to be worthy runners’ up. What a transformation from those two both in terms of looks and performance since the audition when she seemed to be little more than a prop for his talent.

As for the rest, I really liked The Lovable Rogues who also performed their own stuff, sounding a bit like Rizzle Kicks meets Plan B with a bit of Madness thrown in (though not quite as much as the judges kept going on about). Ryan O’Shaughnessy showed he had original talent with his own songs too – though his James Taylor inspired style wasn’t really to my liking.

All in all I thought this year’s BGT was pretty good viewing. David Walliams, in particular, gave the show a camp humour which made it seem less up its own arse than previous overblown Americanised Simon Cowell productions. Walliams’ performance with The Show Bears was typical and the way he pretended to fawn over ‘My Simon’ was reminiscent of the Little Britain Prime Minister sketches with Anthony Head.

Even Cowell seemed to get into the show this year (especially Ashleigh and Pudsey), though his comments at the end seemed to suggest that BGT had run its course. Surely not? Or maybe it has on ITV and he is planning to move it to the Beeb as reported.

My only criticism is that the early stages seemed pretty rushed with you only getting very quick bursts of the acts. Still there are only so many acts like the man doing Dalek impressions with a saucepan on his head you can put up with at any one time. And it was much better than last year which was won by the instantly forgettable Jai McDowall. Who?