One thing - apart from the general torpor of it all - has been bothering me during this second series of Ashes To Ashes. One of Gene's team (one of those inconsequential characters that doesn't say anything and, like one of those Star Trek crewmen always dressed in a red uniform, might get killed in a shoot out) like massively like Bill Oddie. I knew he was taking a break, but still...

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Everyone I know who watched the Strictly Come Dancing Results Show on Sunday evening expressed regret at Austin leaving, but also horror at the way Barry Manilow looked. I saw Bazza as a guest on Graham Norton last Thursday night and it's fair to say that he's had a facelift or seven. A facelift or seven to the extent that he cannot express himself via facial nuance whatsoever. A facelift or seven that makes him look as though he's permanently trapped in a wind tunnel. Watching the Results Show on Sunday night, one thing sprang to mind - there were similarities between Bazza and another stretched-faced TV character, Doctor Who's The Face Of Bo. Have a look after the break and tell me I haven't stumbled across something!

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Watching Ponderland last night, the delectable Russell Brand pulled a face and I thought, "Hang on!" I had to rewind it (or whatever the equivalent of rewinding is with this new modern technology malarkey) and pause it and eventually I realised what had stopped me in my tracks... he looked like Nigella Lawson. After much googling, I feel I have conclusive proof that I am not mad, they could well have been separated at birth. Check it out over the cut.

I've been led to believe by friends and the internets that Tom Chambers is hot. You know, foxy. Good lookin'. I don't see it. I mean, I can see that he's not hideous, but I wouldn't call him handsome. To me, he looks like Graham Stark. You might not think you know Graham Stark, but you'll know his face, I promise.

I know you know Rachel Stevens - she's on this series of Strictly Come Dancing and before that she was in S Club 7 (and in between the two, she was mostly in FHM), but do you know Nanette Newman? She was an actress in the sixties. She's Emma Forbes's mum (you know Emma Forbes, don't you?) and her hands are presumably still soft from all those Fairy Liquid adverts. But did you know they look like they could be mother and daughter? Well, they do. Check it out over the cut.

Despite not having seen an episode of Roger Ramjet for about 30 years, I can still sing the theme tune: "Roger Ramjet and his Eagles fighting for our freedom..." and I rarely see the lovely Anton du Beke without thinking of old Roger, particularly when Anton's sporting that lovely silver lycra number for Hole in the Wall. Oh, the other thing I think of every time I see Anton du Beke is the fact that his real name is Tony Beak. How fabulous is that?!

When I'm completely confused by the questions asked on University Challenge, I find myself staring at the students taking part. I usually come up with one of two things. First one is "God, I really loathe most students" and the second one is usually "Oi! Doesn't s/he look like...". It was the latter what happened last night when St. John's College, Cambridge took on Pembroke, Oxford... I primed myself for some yodelling and serious organ wig-outs...

One's narked about being pushed out of the limelight by a more charismatic, telegenic bloke, the other's Louis Walsh. But are their circumstances all they have in common? I'd say not. Former Met Police Chief Sir Ian Blair who resigned this week, and X Factor judge Louis Walsh (surely the only X Factor judge NOT to threaten to resign): separated at birth?

Brian Fortuna is one of the new professional dancers on this latest series of Strictly Come Dancing and there's been a lot of talk about how he looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. Or rather, a *young* Leo DiCaprio, since Leo doesn't quite look himself these days.

I actually think Brian looks more like a Thunderbird or a Ken Doll. Perhaps there *is* a look of Leo, but I think he looks more like a photofit of Leo. All the features are present and correct, they're just not quite right...

I'm not sure Robert Webb is a Mac really, and I doubt David Mitchell even has a computer, probably favouring a Quill and a bottle of Quink. But that's by-the-by. Pop Idol For The Win 2002 Will Young is A Serious Artist now. He's even in the papers today explaining that he's no one's puppet (how long before his fans demand the merchandise though?) Like Jez from Peep Show, you get the feeling that Will Young does take himself quite seriously, and doesn't he look a bit like him, too?

Cheeky chappy Charlie Green from Britain's Got Talent has been cast in a movie, opposite other cheeky chappy Les Dennis. Charlie will star in Waiting In Rhyme, which is being made in aid of charity Macmillan Cancer Support. Hurrah! More to the point, though, doesn't he remind you of loveable cuts-his-hair-with-a-razor TV comedian Michael McIntyre?

Chantelle's in the so-called 'news' today for a couple of large reasons, and although it's true that we have really no expectations of her left, since the Preson fiasco, we're cheered by the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye these days. But the smile on her face makes us think of something else, too... has our Chanters started to resemble Pantomime cheeky chappy and funnyman-of-the-past Brian Conley? Just me?

They're reviving the old Tefal ads with some serious forehead distortion to signal 'boffins'. I found a picture of Dr Sara Tancredi from Prison Break and... oh I'm not even going to attempt to justify this. Let's just say I'm going to Hell.

I like Michelle Ryan. I think she has a very old school English Rose sort of look and she was great in peculiar James Nesbitt drama 'Jekyll' last year as well as the Bionic Woman, of course. From Saturday onwards we'll be watching her as Nimueh in Merlin, too. But don't you think the Medieval version of Michelle resembles somewhat the glam version of Rachel off of Big Brother? Let me show you.

Ricky Gervais thinks people should be shamed into losing weight. He wants people to shout 'fatty' at him when they see him in the street, because a bit more social stigma might propel him into doing something about it. (Ricky, you are playing a dangerous game.)

All of which reminded me that Ricky used to be a bit pretty, back when he was in a glamorous boy band. Jane Fallon is Ricky Gervais's wife, also pretty and looking... well, looking quite a bit like a young Ricky if we're honest. In the nicest possible way, of course.

What do you mean, 'who's Ceri Rees'? Have you been paying attention to a word we've said?! Our very own John was talking about her just the other day. Ceri is the comeback sensation, the woman who can't be kept away from X Factor auditions, and who is indulged, year after year, by the show producers. She's had something of a makeover, though, presumably mistaking the main problem to be her image. Hasn't done her much good. So tell us, don't you think she now bears more than a passing resemblance to transvestite sculptor Grayson Perry?

Bow-wa bow-WOW, bow-wa bow-waaa... Can you believe Grange Hill is over? I was just getting into it as well. To celebrate the end of this wonderful 30-year era of fighting, stealing, swapsies, caning and cancer we have a shit lookalike for you. It's a good one.

Brutal one for you today, but I hope you'll see what I mean. Kelly Brook, currently in the news for having, er, a bosom, has better taste in men it must be said... but their faces! Look closely - they could be mother and daughter! No? Let me show you what I mean. You'll never look at Kelly in the same way again. (Edwina had her 'never look at in the same way again' moment ages ago)...