Watching Ponderland last night, the delectable Russell Brand pulled a face and I thought, "Hang on!" I had to rewind it (or whatever the equivalent of rewinding is with this new modern technology malarkey) and pause it and eventually I realised what had stopped me in my tracks... he looked like Nigella Lawson. After much googling, I feel I have conclusive proof that I am not mad, they could well have been separated at birth. Check it out over the cut.

I've been led to believe by friends and the internets that Tom Chambers is hot. You know, foxy. Good lookin'. I don't see it. I mean, I can see that he's not hideous, but I wouldn't call him handsome. To me, he looks like Graham Stark. You might not think you know Graham Stark, but you'll know his face, I promise.

Despite not having seen an episode of Roger Ramjet for about 30 years, I can still sing the theme tune: "Roger Ramjet and his Eagles fighting for our freedom..." and I rarely see the lovely Anton du Beke without thinking of old Roger, particularly when Anton's sporting that lovely silver lycra number for Hole in the Wall. Oh, the other thing I think of every time I see Anton du Beke is the fact that his real name is Tony Beak. How fabulous is that?!

Cliff for Big Brother? Oh, who knows. I mean, honestly. Presumably he doesn't need the money, but then again neither does Whitney Houston, and she's been tipped too. The rumours have begun and it would be remiss of us not to report them, however improbable. (Fans may be interested to know that Summer Holiday was partly filmed in Elstree, where the Big Brother house is, so it'd be very much a homecoming for him) ...Would you like to see Cliff taking his Summer (January) Holiday on the upcoming series of Celebrity Big Brother?

One's narked about being pushed out of the limelight by a more charismatic, telegenic bloke, the other's Louis Walsh. But are their circumstances all they have in common? I'd say not. Former Met Police Chief Sir Ian Blair who resigned this week, and X Factor judge Louis Walsh (surely the only X Factor judge NOT to threaten to resign): separated at birth?

A: Who will it be this time?
B: Oooh, I don't know, Johnny Depp?
A: Guess again.
B: Keira Knightley?
A: Lower.
B: David Duchovny?
A: Just ask for help if you need it.
B: But I'm enjoying the guessing!
A: Seriously. Shut it. The guessing is over.
B: But the guessing...
A: Don't make me hit you.

X Factor hobbit Louis has, apparently been suffering unwanted harassment from a fan (there is one!) after a joke was played on him by rival judge Simon Cowell.

Despite reports here, and here that the Lib Dem MP has signed up for next year's BB, the latest is, I'm afraid, a denial.

I'm quite disappointed about this news, it'd have been good to see how he held up. Surely he didn't have much to lose - his dignity disappeared some time ago. He should take a leaf out of Michael Barrymore and Les Dennis's book and give us, the potentially voting public, something entertaining to watch. To learn to love. Because, for all his tabloid ubiquity, former "Mr Cheeky" Lembit remains a bit of a spud-faced mystery.

Do you live in the North West of England? Do you have a face like a bag of spanners? Can you stand to be in the same room as the woman pictured here, for longer than a minute? Do you enjoy having dotted lines drawn on you with a purple felt tip by a middle-aged European man? This is your moment to shine. 10 Years Younger, the most brutal make-over programme on TV, is looking for prematurely-aged hopefuls to star in the new series. Or, as they put it "lively new applicants"...

I love Dermot. I love that he's really good at his job without being annoying and at least seems to be a genuine guy. Towards the end of his time presenting Big Brother you really got the feeling he couldn't give a damn anymore; he became almost openly contemptuous of the housemates (if not the whole show) and the meltdown into dry, dry sarcasm was brilliant to watch. On the X Factor we see his soft side - who better than Dermie to give a shivering nervous hopeful a solid hug as they stumble out of the audition room? And when he actually started crying when talking to schoolteacher Bev on last year's show I thought he couldn't get any more appealing. I was wrong. He's pissed off The X Factor, apparently, by taking the piss out of all the tacky sob-stories about dead relatives...

Dannii, they're saying, in what sounds to me like a deeply made-up story, is threatening to quit because she's so jealous of Cheryl getting all the attention. I've said it before and I'll say it again... can't we all just get along?

I'm not sure Robert Webb is a Mac really, and I doubt David Mitchell even has a computer, probably favouring a Quill and a bottle of Quink. But that's by-the-by. Pop Idol For The Win 2002 Will Young is A Serious Artist now. He's even in the papers today explaining that he's no one's puppet (how long before his fans demand the merchandise though?) Like Jez from Peep Show, you get the feeling that Will Young does take himself quite seriously, and doesn't he look a bit like him, too?

The Spice Girls, Posh excluded, are old hands at reality telly. Mel B and Emma Bunton have both appeared on dancey shows in recent years, and Ginger was one of the original talent show panel judges of course. So you won't be falling off your chair in fright, phoning your lawyer and trying to sue TVScoop for fright-related head damage at the news that Emma Bunton has been hauled in to help out Dannii Minogue in this year's X Factor...

Cheeky chappy Charlie Green from Britain's Got Talent has been cast in a movie, opposite other cheeky chappy Les Dennis. Charlie will star in Waiting In Rhyme, which is being made in aid of charity Macmillan Cancer Support. Hurrah! More to the point, though, doesn't he remind you of loveable cuts-his-hair-with-a-razor TV comedian Michael McIntyre?

Remember Lisa? Course you do. She's the one who brought in a picture of a morbidly obese woman, said it 'used to be me' then turned on the waterworks until Simon agreed to put her through. I jest of course, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me ideas. Lisa lost a good 18 stone and is now a dainty and pretty young thing with a great back-story and a good chance of going quite far in this show. She'll beg and plead with the X Factor judges till she gets what she wants, but when it comes to boys, she's suddenly all shy...

Which slightly unhinged popular former virgin has the Simon Cowell managed to trick into appearing on his show? It's Britney, bitch. Ms Spears will perform her new single Womanizer on the X Factor. Here's what Simon says:

Chantelle's in the so-called 'news' today for a couple of large reasons, and although it's true that we have really no expectations of her left, since the Preson fiasco, we're cheered by the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye these days. But the smile on her face makes us think of something else, too... has our Chanters started to resemble Pantomime cheeky chappy and funnyman-of-the-past Brian Conley? Just me?

I realise I'm sort of propagating the problem even by publishing this post (I might pick a peck of pickled peppers later), but the question has come up and the public must be allowed to speak. Ever since we first heard about Jade's cancer (Scoop was there first) we've been updated daily of her progress.

But do we actually want to know? Is it intrusive, or limelight-hogging, or something else bad? Do you think we should turn the cameras off, stop asking questions, and let her deal with it in peace? Maybe you think she's in the public eye, so she's game. You tell us! Poll over the page...