Last orders for Two Pints of Lager....

So, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps has been cancelled, and it only took ten years. Some would call it the end of an era. Some wouldn’t. Some would call it one of the most underrated sitcoms of noughties British comedy. I have not met any of these people, but I’m sure they are out there – discussing the matter over some Chavignon Blanc.

For now though, BBC3 have decided to stop commissioning the mad antics of Sheridan Smith & co. in favour of making room for all the vibrant new writers out there to contribute to the channel instead. A commendable action, you might say.

After all, BBC3 has always provided us with the sort of fresh, hip programming that is so current not even Peter Dickson could not provide an irreverent enough voiceover to accommodate them. So in the wake of Two Pints of Lager – what better time to cast our minds back to some of those other flashes of genius that BBC3 have spotted over the years?

Coming of Age

Coming of Age is a coming of age sitcom about some teenagers who are coming of age. Hooked yet? First broadcast in 2007 with the opening episode ‘B…lowjob’ – the show promised to be a mix between the Inbetweeners and Two Pints of a Lager and a Packet of Crisps. Because if there’s anything a good cock joke needs, it’s a slightly more appalling cock joke.

It is essentially a programme where Jay from the Inbetweeners lives with Jay from the Inbetweeners whilst going to college with Jay from the Inbetweeners. And I like Jay from the Inbetweeners. Vulgarity can be fine in sitcoms if you don’t over-do it of course. But on one level, there’s Vivian from the Young Ones hurling himself out of a window, and then there’s a whole new level – where a Welsh teenager discusses masturbation techniques, with only a troupe of long-dead titters from the built in laughter track present to suggest it was supposed to be funny.

As such, within the first 2 and a half minutes of watching Coming of Age you will have already encountered anal slapstick, approximately eight side fringes, and one of the characters telling a gag about Richard Whiteley. The joke? The joke is that he is dead. That’s it. No, that’s it. Really. The show actually ran for three series and only came to an end this year. Which is a shame. Because the first episode was bad enough.

Coming of Age

Snog, Marry or Avoid?

As many of you will most likely have seen it – (I’m not being presumptuous here, you have ALL seen it, because you ALL have low self esteem, and you are ALL lonely) doesn’t it seem a bit odd that the whole premise of the program is an ex-Atomic Kitten member talking to a CGI purple machine called ‘Pod’ about the fact some girls are sluts and some aren’t? Did somebody take Louis Walsh’s dream notebook from his bedside table and use it to pitch ideas to the BBC until one stuck? Well in that case, fair enough.

Snog Marry Avoid

Kirsten’s Topless Ambition

Former SmART (I took a stab at the funky capitalizing, there) presenter Kristen O Brien - left - considers going topless for a magazine, coincidentally in front of a BBC camera crew.

Kristen proceeds on this mission by asking if people think she’s sexy (everybody says no), dancing for Peter Stringfellow (who does not get an erection) and having this HORRIFIC HAIR that was so chemically straight it may well have been lego. Now, is lego sexy?  I have not wanted to shake someone quite as violently since Fiona Phillips’ birth.

As the show progressed, Kirsten talked to other people who had taken their clothes off once, and donned some hot pants for absolutely no inexplicable reason. The end result – she did not decide to partake in a topless photo shoot, and has probably never been topless in her entire life.

My Topless Ambition

Danny Dyer: I Believe in UFOs

Don’t ask me. It is what it is.

If you have the energy.