Foodies are scum. Seriously. They’re the worst humans on television. They’re worse than war criminals. They’re worse than war-criminals in Global Hypercolor t-shirts at a Stereophonics gig. There is simply nothing worse than a foodie. And while you can just about let some of them off, because they’re vaguely charming, some of them deserved to be kicked and slapped ’til there is nothing left but their shadow. And the worst of the bunch is the utterly joyless Monica Galetti from Masterchef.There’s this feeling in the world of professional cookery that dishes have to be served to a gaping, sneering mouth to-the-second. It’s pathetic. This notion that, should someone be served a foam topped bollock 3 seconds late, then they will end up slitting their throats at the dining table in disgust.

Of course, no-one works like that. Sit people in a restaurant and they’ll talk to the people sat across from them. Sure, don’t keep them waiting for 45 minutes… but honestly, the level of importance that foodie pricks put on things is now unacceptable.

And Monica Galetti is a prime tit in the middle of a sea of tools.

Each night, we see the utterly joyless git talk about the importance of food, depth of flavours and the passion needed to cook… all the while, displaying the cold, dead eyes of an emotionless psychopath who is unable to register the vaguest of positive feeling.

It’s clear that, in the world of Galetti, only two things matter – food and whoever she’s working for. Such reverence is shown to Roux Jr. that you’ll almost get the impression she’d saw an arm off if he half-mentioned in, leaving it on his doorstep like a cat that just brought you a decapitated shrew.

All other humans can forget about getting a smile out of her. The more you try to please her, the more she scowls. She’s a food dominatrix who might nearly enjoy herself if you debase yourself while sobbing at her feet.

And for what? Seasonal vegetables and turning a pissing oven on?

Galetti is the apex of foodie-hell which is blighting television at the moment and the only positive she brings to our screens is that, hopefully, the TV industry’s taste for cookery shows will wane and soon. Please. No more of this scallop porn.

Let’s move on.