Hello weekend! How everyone has missed you! You alright? Are you going to let us not work for a few days? That’s nice. So. What’s on telly then?

Tonight: Ultimate Big Brother: The Final, Channel 4, 7.30pm

It’s time to say tattybye to Big Brother. Tonight, Davina McCall will no doubt veer from astonishingly giddy to crying over everyone. We’ll see who you’ve chosen to be the Ultimate Big Brother champion and, then Dermot O’Leary will bring us Dermot’s Last Supper, then there’ll be Davina’s Big Send Off and finally, sometime near midnight, there’ll be the crowning of a Champion of Champions.

Tonight: Paul O’Grady Live, ITV1, 9pm

New series which sees Paul O’Grady wallowing in variety show entertainment. You wouldn’t expect anything else really would you? Tonight, he’s joined by Tom Jones and Britain’s Got Talent winners Spelbound. He’ll no doubt be joining in with them in some way. It’ll be camp and fun. You’ll no doubt be in the pub or watching Big Brother.

Tomorrow: Match of the Day Live, BBC Two, 5pm

Burnley take on Preston North End in a live match that kicks off at 5.15pm. There’s very little else to tell you about it. This will either bore you stupid or, like many, you’ll tune in because you’ll watch just about any football match going.

Tomorrow: Merlin, BBC One, 7:25pm

The Tears of Uther Pendragon! Who knows what that means? It sounds magical though, doesn’t it? Yep. All manner of daft sorcery will be afoot, with stupid dry ice and CGI monsters. Who will save us? Merlin will if he stops all that homoeroticism with Prince Arthur.

Sunday: The Vera Lynn Story, BBC Two, 8pm

Dame Vera has had an amazing career, which saw her Best Of going to number one last year. Astonishing stuff! Anyway, the voice of the war is celebrated here with Sir David Frost painting a lovely portrait of the Forces Sweetheart.

Sunday: Albert’s Memorial, ITV1, 9pm

Jason slopes onto our screens to play yet another lovable character and this weekend, he’ll be doing a turn as Harry – a London cab driver. It’s a gentle and twee little drama with touches of comfy comedy that, well, you fully expected from David Jason. Televisual cocoa to see out the weekend.