Celebrity Come Dine with Me (Channel 4, Thursday, 15 July, 8pm) is only ever any good when they’ve got someone on who is an appalling human being… someone able to prompt abject horror into your veins. This week, we’ve got it.

Basically, wacky isn’t good enough for the sleb version of this show. We want a car-wreck. And by God, Janice Dickinson will not only crash the car, but somehow explode the road around her as well.

Seriously.

The self-proclaimed First Ever Supermodel has the table manners of a pus-filled condom. She slurps dishes straight from the bowl like they were troughs filled with swill, harangues everyone in ear-shot (and out of ear-shot), she dominates the conversation, cackles when people want to cry, makes rude comments about her guests and pretty much sticks her vagina on some fish fingers to cool herself down during a menopausal hot flush.

If only I were making up the antics of this screeching harridan.

The people who have to put up with all this are Sam Fox, Jeff Brazier and Calum Best who astonishingly, manage to make the viewer utterly sympathetic. By the second night of events, they all have the demeanour of people waiting for someone to answer the door at Dignitas.

Of course, all this is fine ammo for the snarky Dave Lamb which gives us leeway to laugh through the dreadfulness of it all. It’ll be a cracker.