I understand completely why some companies make annoying commercials for television. Ads that bug you stick in your head a lot longer than others, thereby, keeping the advertised product in your head longer. However, what about those that transcend annoyance and wander into plain ol’ hatred?

There’s a few spots doing the rounds at the moment that seem to be universally loathed by anyone owning one crude sensory gland. Commercials so bad that you can smell the rotting flesh on them.

The GoCompare opera-singer commercials are making people force broken glass into their anuses just for some kind of barbaric release of pain… the BT campaign has seen people going from reasonably fond of Kris Marshall (from his dimwit role in My Family) to actively wanting him to meet a sticky end in some dreadful accident with a thousand hedge-strimmers.

However, towering over all of these are the Halifax adverts which feature a fictional radio station.

Aside from the fact that this campaign makes no sense at all (do Halifax actually have a radio station which we can tune into online? No.), this run of commercials is making people want to tear their own eyes out and ram them down their throats just so they can witness their dignity dying from the inside.

There’s an inane chummery that weeps out of every foetid pore of this grotesque set, which sees the most loathed people on Earth (sorry bankers… you’re considered worse than Bin Laden at the moment thanks to the financial meltdown) all becoming the walking, talking equivalent of novelty ties in front of our very eyes.

The knowing winks and lame jokes (“ISA ISA Baby!” and the like) of people smiling at your face whilst knifing you between the columns of your spine is most galling and, surely, only going to achieve universal loathing for a brand already blighted by those adverts that featured the dickish Howard who sang “WHO GIVES YOU EXTRA?!”

The only way to restore balance is to get every single person involved with these commercials and make them fight to the death in a live televised event. Winner gets 0.5% interest on their current account.