The working week is nearly over. That means you can walk around in your underpants eating bread from the bag and loudly slagging your boss off whilst cocking one leg up to fart at the telly. Unless, of course, you live with your boss. If that’s the case, unlucky. No sickies for you I imagine. Anyway, what’s on telly this weekend?

Tonight: Eurovision: Your Country Needs You, BBC One, 8.30pm

The Eurovision! It’s the only activity we Brits enjoy laughing at whilst secretly taking very seriously indeed. Usually it’s the other way round. Anyway, after last years Brit entry ended up as a Sugababe, this year we get to decide who ends up dreading NUL POINTS. It wouldn’t be an article about Eurovision without that phrase would it? Anyway, Pete Waterman calling the shots and ends a lot of sentences with ‘kid’. Graham Norton coos. You know the drill by now.

Tonight: The Bubble, BBC Two, 10pm

Despite having the most basic, cruddy, Press ‘Demo’ theme tune in TV history, The Bubble is actually quite fun. It’s hosted by David Mitchell who is still getting to grips with presenting (while, in turn, we get used to watching him in non freeform mode). Contestants don’t watch the news for a week and Mitchell makes stuff up. The guests are Sue Perkins, Marcus Brigstocke and Julia Hartley-Brewer.

Tomorrow: Six Nations Rugby, BBC One, 2pm

Professional thuggery with an egg. All weekend.

Tomorrow: Let’s Dance for Sport Relief, BBC One, 7pm

The final of the charity dancing competition is upon us! The six most popular celebrities who have made a tit of themselves re-enact their routines and everyone nods in agreement that nothing will ever beat last year’s winner Robert Webb.

Tomorrow: Requiem for Detroit, BBC Two, 9pm

This is a superb film and an absolute must-watch. It’s a look at the long, drawn-out suffering of one of America’s most important cities. Street after street of once beautiful buildings hang hallow amongst the dying auto-trade which helped to shape the USA as a whole. Not only that, but we’ll get a snapshot of the riots that blighted the city and the soundtrack to them (Motown, The Stooges, MC5 and more) to send an icy chill through your marrow. Essential and heartbreaking viewing.

Sunday: Tropic of Cancer, BBC Two, 9pm

Simon Reeve has a fresh milk face and the voice of George Lamb (only minus the irritating “UH?” at the end of every effing sentence). He’s one of those scamps who buggers off around the globe like an explorer. Well, he’s at it again, on an epic journey of 23,000 miles through 18 of the countries that straddle the Tropic of Cancer. Join him as he finds some people nice, probably gets ill and possibly takes some mindbending drugs that have been bled from a tree or something. It’s all very familiar, but consistently fun.

Sunday: Celebrity Come Dine with Me, Channel 4, 8pm

Who wouldn’t want to live in a world where people film Kim Woodburn, Darren Day, Claire Sweeney and Tom O’Connor sat around a table having their tea?