Auntie wanted to take us all Inside John Lewis (BBC Two, Wednesday, 10 March, 9pm) last night. In fairness, I’ve never been in a John Lewis. No, it’s not like being inside John Malkovich and steering him like a bald ship. It’s a shop. And, in fairness, if you wanted to go inside John Lewis, you could just walk into your nearest shop and claim that you’re a TV show.

Of course, this wasn’t some glorified webcam set up in a shop, watching people dither past like the ones you see in Curry’s window. This was a look behind the scenes of a department store so British that it apologises everytime it so much thinks of wanting to break wind.

Watching the Middle Englanders mooch around looking at expensive pans, talking about Egyptian cotton towels and 7-day curtains, it was like accidentally wandering into a tea-party of retired masons.

The staff were the same as well. They chirruped and cooed, leaving me desperately trying to imagine one of them swearing. I couldn’t. I even screwed my face up as I did it. Not one member of John Lewis has ever uttered a swear word as a lame as ‘piss’.

Naturally, aside from being a shameless advertorial for the store, this was a showcase of quirky Britishness. Now, this may conjure up a thousand images in your head, but in reality, in TV terms all ‘Britishness’ really means is that, when anyone speaks or goes about their business, they must be accompanied by jaunty, silly music.

This show billed itself as being about the fight through recession… but it wasn’t. It showcased people who work for a company whilst cheering at bits of card with percentages written on them… a company seemingly run by a bit of a blithering idiot – but a very likeable and sweet one.

It’s worth watching this throwaway fluff. It’s the TV equivalent of idly stroking a cat’s ear.