Weekend! Weekend! Weekend! YAY! That’s right! Work is nearly over and we can pad around in our undercrackers watching television and eating take-aways until we pop our belly buttons inside out! HURRAH! So, what’s worth watching this weekend? Let’s have a spy…

Tonight: Mastercrafts, BBC Two, 9pm

How does this sound? Monty Don looks at traditional craft technique, starting with woodcraft. Yep, it’s all open-air workshops in the woods which men who smell like pipes and the like make lovely stuff like chairlegs out of bits of tree. It sounds twee as hell doesn’t it? It might just be the kind of distraction you need after being in a faceless office all week.

Tonight: Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA, Channel 4, 9pm

Gordon Ramsay shouts at Americans.

Tomorrow: FA Cup Live: ITV1, starting at midday

Televised football is the thrill of the majority and the bane of everyone else. Anyway, lots of tasty ties this weekend, starting with Southampton and Portsmouth (a proper grudge match) before jumping to Manchester City v Stoke City

Tomorrow: Winter Olympics 2010, BBC Two, 7.30pm

Hark! Even more sport! Yessir, olympics meets snow and all that junk. This is all about downhill skiing which means, fast and potential crashes. Lovely.

Sunday: FA Cup Live, ITV1, 12.55pm

You know the drill by now. Sports-haters will have all committed suicide by this point.

Sunday: Seven Ages of Britain, BBC One, 9pm

The story of Britain through its art and treasure… in particular, things from the Tudor lot. This means Henry VIII and the first performance of Shakespeare’s Henry VIII 100 years later. Big ol’ period to cover eh? David Dimbleby shows it all off with gravitas. BBC pats itself on the back. We all get spoiled rotten.