Aaah, Jo Frost. She's back on our boxes again after spending a lot of time on American TV with Jo Frost: Extreme Parenting (Channel 4, Tuesday, 9 February, 8pm). So what's extreme parenting then? Is it hurling yourself through a window with a firework up your arse and shooting hugs from a giganto bazooka? No. It's about Jo Frost being the centre of attention.

The show starts with Frost saying: "A third of parents are doing a bad job." What does that mean exactly? What kind of horseshit study came up with that figure? How do you quantify 'a bad job'?

It's 'stats' like this that really clog up shows like this. They're never qualified and tossed out like a gospel truth. Ironically enough for those of us who think religion is a crock. Aaaanyway... these woolly notions are what Extreme Parenting thrives on.

For example, in true Daily Mail style, Frost and some idiot with a survey looks at how our children's minds are being corrupted by violent computer games.

How do they prove this? With a Clockwork Orange test where they make kids sit with their hands on their heads whilst watching footage from people in wars getting their limbs blown off.

Honestly.

The kid's heart rate is measured and it is decreed by the furrowed brow fools that our children are completely desensitised to real violence, completely forgetting the notion that the reason no kid's heart rate was going up was because they weren't engaged in an exciting game.

Chances are, they would've reacted in a same way if they had them playing The Sims and then showed them a picture of a blocked sink. No-one at any time seem to think that, maybe, just maybe, the kids who have been watching the blood-porn that is our daily news might be to blame for their nonchalant approach to real violence. No, nasty video games are always to blame aren't they?

There's also a girl with body image issues, something of a favourite in media at the moment. Naturally, it's a little bit crappy to see a kid looking at herself and being unhappy with what she sees. However, what's worse is that the opinion of the show seems to suggest that all body issues can be fixed by a nice day out in London and getting pampered.

Essentially, Jo Frost is fronting a makeover show. The 'journey', the back story and right down to the 'reveal' at the close. This makes her the Lawrence Llewelyn‐Bowen of childcare. Of course, this means that really, this show isn't about her subjects, but rather, it's all about her. It's fine if you're tarting someone's house up or you're training a dog... but kids?

I guess the only really good advise you could give is not to have children at all. Why? Because all they do is upset you and themselves and... oh, I dunno... are potential zombie waifs who will only eat Haribo unless you get touched by the hand of Frost.