Apparently, Come Dine With Me is not a real cookery show. I know, I know... I feel betrayed to the point of tablets too. The Channel 4 show has mislead viewers all this time, admitting that celebrity contestants are being lent properties to cook in. I can't believe it. I'm crying as a type. Why would someone want to hurt us all in this way when all we've done is give love?

Producers of Come Dine With Me have hired out properties on occasions when stars did not want their real homes shown on TV, say the Daily Mail (who are, of course, incredibly trustworthy).

Actor Christopher Biggins is said to be one star who was seen in a rented home on the programme because he was "nervous" about showing his real home on the television. In the recent Christmas special, Sherrie Hewson hosted a dinner party in a rented property because her real home in the north-west was too far away from the other contestants.

Basically, in something that is akin to having your little finger snipped off with pliers, we've seen these people acting as if they owned the place... when they didn't own the place.

Responding to the news, Mediawatch director Vivienne Pattinson commented: "I don't think this does anything for public trust when it is not made clear."

A Channel 4 spokesman said: "For logistic and security reasons, some of the celebrity dinner parties are filmed at a rented location rather than their own homes. This is only the case for the celebrity spinoffs. Contributors for Come Dine With Me host their dinners at their own homes."

I'm actually going to top myself over this. Channel 4 clearly don't care about us. The animals. It's rocked by belief system so much that I no longer believe in anything at all... that includes the theory of gravity... and I'm now floating perilously close to the sun like Icarus.

Of course, I'm hamming this because, really, no-one cares one jot about things like this. If they do, they need to take a step away from the television and breathe into a paper bag. A paper bag full of ether.

There's nothing like the word 'fakery' to get people worked up about a show... but, y'know, it helps if the show actually requires some trust in the first place like, if there's a competition or voting system that costs you money.

Come Dine With Me isn't about seeing someone's house, but rather, laughing at how idiotic/thrilling at how nice they seem when you tune in. Oh, and Dave Lamb's commentary.

Next week: More anti-news.