The news on television, for the most part, is a farce. It’s serves no function at all. It tells you about a man getting murdered, despite the fact that there’s a whole load of murders going on in any given day. However, if the angle is right then it gets run. How about a train crash somewhere in Europe? Again, little bearing on our lives but shown to us in gory, twisted metal detail. Now, it’s taking the higher ground on Gordon Brown’s alleged bullying.

There’s a great irony about the way the news is divvied up to us. At the minute, one big story is John Terry and Tiger Woods putting their members into ladies that aren’t their wives. I’ve yet to meet a single human who even slightly cares about it despite the fact that the news is utterly outraged at the whole thing.

As an aside, Tiger Woods’ recent televised press-conference cum apology was horrible and weird to watch. I would’ve preferred it if he just came out, told the press to piss off and knocked aside the podium to reveal yet another woman fellating him whilst he howled “HAHAHA! I’m such a dweeb and I’m getting LOADS! You can be jealous with your pens whilst I’m spud-deep in lasses!”

And now, Gordon Brown Is A Big Fat Bully is doing the rounds. Both the BBC and ITV are thrilling about it all, quoting the National Bullying Helpline left right and centre and stamping their collective feet for something to come out of it.

Of course, what they don’t let on is that the National Bullying Helpline aren’t as grand and worthy as they seem. In fact, if either newsroom had done rudimentary research, they may have smelled something fishy about the whole thing.

The National Bullying Helpline immediately reeked of something untoward when they broke confidentiality to the press to talk about those that had been in touch to say they’d been bullied at 10 Downing Street.

One blog points out that, despite the Beeb saying that the helpline was “a non-political organisation”, it didn’t question why the NBH’s has a personal endorsement from Tory dipshit David Cameron, a patron in Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe, a patron in Boris Johnson’s Chair of the London Health Authority, Conservative Cllr Mary O’Connor and close links to the Conservative controlled Swindon borough Council.

They even failed to ask whether NBH was a proper charity at all. A glance at the Charity Commission’s register shows that this company, of whom no-one has ever heard of before (and anyone saying so is a liar), has only registered £852 pounds in expenditure since they were established.

How could a charity spend such a fantastically small amount of money yet have such a sway that political big players would know of it enough to pay them tribute?

Of course, this is all wild speculation and conjecture… and the greatest irony of all this that television doesn’t have a leg to stand on when chastising people for bullying and general nastiness to other humans.

Having had the misfortune to witness a newsroom in action, I can safely say that I’ve never known such grim, underhand, mental fuckery. Editors and producers can be vile, ruthless swine and their subjects browbeaten to the point of tears. As media continues to take the moral highground, the further away people’s trust goes.

As human beings, we’re all prone to being ignorant, ranting pricks… however, most of us have the decency to say sorry and the whole thing gets a line drawn under it. Unless you work in media that is. When was the last time you saw the News at Ten (or whatever) holding up a hand and saying “Sorry… we got that one wrong”?

Apart from a few instances and very few TV news journalists, I could easily be convinced that television would be a better place without the news bulletin.