The Crystal Maze, the gameshow that was simultaneously sarcastic toward itself in Richard O’Brien and visually, like walking into Noel Fielding’s house, could be set to return to our screens. However, ’90s fans, hold fire. Don’t open the cans of Tab Clear just yet because there’s a massive catch. That catch is Amanda Holden.
For those that need reminding, the show was a gameshow for people on a work’s day out. They’d tackle puzzles in The Aztec Zone, Futuristic Zone, Medieval Zone, the Industrial Zone and later, the Ocean Zone. They could stimulate their puny minds or hop around lazers and pillars and the like in a show that was like a Sega Mastersystem game come to life.
This all lead up to The Crystal Dome where those that weren’t locked in their failure rooms would be tasked with leaping around grabbing in the air trying to get more golden bits of foil than silver bits of foil. It was rubbish, yet somehow, wonderfully captivating.
While Richard O’Brien headed up the original show with his harmonica, and was replaced briefly by Edward Tudor Pole, the new incarnation is all set to have the blank stare of the horrific Amanda Holden.
That’s right. Instead of the pithy and disinterested flamboyant host, we’ll be getting a dimwitted walking thong occupier gleefully wishing the contestants well and trying to fashion her rubber-mask face into one that looks sad when they fail. Massive ITV fail on this one.
Get out! Get out! Get out!
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