Who is going to win The X Factor 2009?

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The X Factor final is upon us once more and we’ve got a real, proper, closely contested final. After a couple of predictable weeks (aka The shows that immediately followed the exit of the baffling Jedward), we’re now faced with a final show that is pretty much impossible to call.

So what are we left with?

Well, first up is Stacey. Stacey is so giddy that her voice breaks down into scattergun syllables which sound like a record being played backward. She’s representative of Us, inasmuch that, she’s overwhelmed with the response. She’s a super ordinary gal who could land a lot of votes because people are simply willing her to do well and rise out of her ordinary situation.

Then we’ve got Olly. Olly is a man with a face like a fatman’s knee. Despite this clear disadvantage, he fancies himself and, in turn, the nation’s housewives fancy him right back. He does funny dances and likes to tear open his shirt to reveal his damp-pastry chest. He’s a very strong contender indeed and already looks like a fully fledged Noughties popstar.

Finally, we’re left with Joe. Here we have a human so cute that he should be cloned into a million adorable keyrings. Keyrings that sing to you, note-perfect, when you’re letting yourself in your house. He’s also a very strong contender to land the X Factor crown, especially as he’s learned how to emote his songs over the last fortnight.

Who do you think will win? Cast your vote below.

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