What kind of cretin watches The Jeremy Kyle Show? Seriously. When that judge branded it as ‘human bear baiting’, he didn’t go in hard enough. It’s worse than that. It’s the Noughties equivalent of crucifixion. People slowly being bled on screen with Jeremius Kylicus whipping sores ever more open and puking maggoty insults into them. All the while, the British Public watch on and clap along.

I’m staggered that it’s allowed on television. Even in my darkest moments of cynicism, I would still stop at actually getting other humans beings and humiliating them in front of a live studio audience.

Mercifully, this wrongest show ever aired has (reportedly) been banned from two NHS hospitals after complaints from patients about the programme.

According to The Mirror, the Aintree Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust has opted to stop The Jeremy Kyle Show from being played on the sets in communal areas and waiting rooms.

A spokeswoman said: “Patients have a right to a calm atmosphere. Some will be very apprehensive in waiting rooms and we have to be sensitive to how they feel.”

Hopefully, this will prompt a wave of action across the British Isles, with the show essentially banned from ever being shown on any television ever.

This could result in Kyle going underground to ‘help’ people. I mean, if he’s as selfless as he makes out, he won’t need a whirring camera to carry on with his crusade to fix mankind will he?

That should provoke some kind of Fight Club style grouping, with Kyle as ringleader and browbeaten people from estates kicking lumps out of each other until they’re all begging for mercy on the floor in puddles of kidneys and teeth, with Kyle cackling loudly and dressed like a Victorian butcher, frantically waving a lie-detector around and scalding anyone brave enough to let out a whimper.

Or something.