It's the weekend! If you're in Cumbria, that's probably not foremost in your mind. *solidarity* For everyone else however, it means a whole shedload of great (and let's be honest, not so great) television.

Tonight: Children in Need 2009, BBC One, 7pm

You know how this works by now. Charity fun with newsreaders and comedians... and all that. We'll also see The One Show team re-creating Fame, which to be honest, sounds terrifying. There's also an exclusive preview of the Doctor Who Christmas special.

Tonight: I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, ITV1, 9pm

We tune to watch other human's spirit slowly ebb away. If it doesn't vanish quickly enough, we vote for them to do the most unspeakable things ever aired. Compelling, clearly.

Tomorrow: Various Channels at Various Times

Okay, Saturday is full of Rugby Union and the usuals... by which I mean X Factor, Strictly and TV Burp.

Sunday: Top Gear, BBC Two, 9pm

Jeremy, Richard and James attempt to save the planet by building their own electric car. Silliness ensues. The Star in a Reasonably Priced Car is Michael Sheen.

Sunday: Embarrassing Old Bodies, Channel 4, 9pm

A show where Christian Jessen and Pixie McKenna put an arm around old people who look like their bodies near ironing. Meanwhile, we get to see their varicose veins. Lovely.