The Beeb's biggest, shiniest variety show returned to our screens this weekend. I am, of course, referring to Strictly Come Dancing (as if the headline didn't give it away in the first place). Over two nights and seemingly 29 hours of constant broadcast, the show slowly got underway with grinning, sweating and rubbish dancing.

Related: More Strictly here

In Bruce Forsyth, we once again see the nation's most glorified Asda MeetandGreeter. Shuffling around like Hans Moleman, instead of getting repeatedly hit in the groin with a football, our Brucie polishes his glassy eyes and does tap-dancing that is akin to someone being sent out onto some particularly slippery ice with their arms stapled to their side.

Of course, we all love it. It confirms our belief that we don't care how old you are, so long as you're willing to do a turn on our tellyboxes. Naturally, that brings us to the stupid ageism row and the booting of Arlene who has been replaced by Alesha Dixon who, on her debut bow at the judges bench, seemed to do okay. Sure, she lacks the expertise, but she makes up for it by a complete absence of dismal puns.

The various celebrities were wheeled out to do their thing on the dancefloor with decidedly mixed results. Joe Calzaghe immediately leapt out of the screen, dancing like a B-Movie mummy pawing around for victims in the dark.

Ricky Groves, who played Gary in Th'enders also gave a startling performance. Basically, his slowy looked like the dance of a frog slowly being baked in a desert, whilst his up tempo Latin number had him convulsing like someone in a bath with a two bar heater, gasping at the air with a mouth like rent-boy's arsehole.

There were others, of course, who fared much better and will invariably be tipped to win, even at this early stage.

That said, I can see the show losing a few fans with The All New But Almost The Same Really Strictly Come Dancing feeling just too long. There was loads of it over the weekend to the point of over saturation. Even my ire began to wane after a while, leaving me a little downbeat that the impossibly sweet Martina Hingis got voted off in favour of Someone That People Had Heard Of More.

As such, it'll be welcome when this show reverts back to one show a week. It won't be so gruelling then.

Or am I on my own with that notion?