“Biiiiiig biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig flavours! GRRRRRR! ROWF!” Celebrity Masterchef (BBC One, Wednesday, 10 June, 8pm) it’s lovely to have you back on our screens. It really is. Oh how I’ve missed your complete over egging of the situation and the needless cranking of tension toward people who just want to cook something nice to eat. Yep. The show returned last night and barely a thing was different about it, which was fun because now it’s on BBC One, as opposed to BBC Two, the show could’ve tweaked this and that in an attempt to make more of what they had… but really, the format is so tight that to tinker with it needlessly would be churlish. So we all tune in to play Masterchef Bingo in our heads and enjoy the culinary disasters and triumphs and grab at shadows in our attempts to spot the eventual winner.

Related: Our Masterchef section | Our Gregg Wallace interview | Our India Fisher interview

One potential already is Jayne Middlemiss, who has something of Her From Atomic Kitten Who Won The Last Series about her. Basically that means she’s quite handy in the kitchen, a bit flappy and genuinely surprised at positive feedback from Gregg and Torode. Despite her decent performance on the show, the only thing I could concentrate on were her strangely new looking teeth. Seriously, they were like giant milk teeth, which is rather unsettling. I kept imagine them gnashing at me while she said “Babyliss Ker-ayzy Braiyd!”

However, they weren’t the star of the show. Sadly for That Handsome Bloke Out Of Hotel Babylon he inadvertently brought the house down with a banana pancake. No great shakes normally… but then, people don’t normally make bright green pancakes. As the picture above shows, during the making of the damned thing, it looked like he’d puked up foamy green bile into a frying pan and offered it to the judges like a cat offering a chewed thrush to it’s owners.

Gregg, processing what he’d just seen said: “I’ve never seen a green pancake… and I watch science fiction movies.” In fairness, science fiction flicks tend to deal more in robots, huge explosions, a distopian vision of the future cut through the weird stillness of space, rather than humanoid creatures putting a bit of dye in their food.

Before it had even hit the plate, the poor bugger was out of the show.

The challenges were all present and correct too… make something from a box of mystery ingredients, make some nice food of your own choice and the ubiquitous Send The Buggers To A Restaurant Kitchen To Get Shouted At. Concerning the latter, the restaurants featured were talked up like cult camps… they’re all IN THE HEART OF SOMEWHERE with inordinate amounts of pressure and importance placed upon them, almost like the head chefs are ready for slaying all the contestants’ first born in the name of the lamb, sacrificial, brazed or otherwise.

Naturally, this being a cookery show in the Noughties, there were more than enough scallops to go around. To be honest, if I see another scallop on telly, I’m going to murder Gregg Wallace, and EVERYONE likes Gregg Wallace. I’ve eaten them. They’re a bit boring. They’re like posh, fat crab-sticks.

At the close, people were booted off the show by Gregg and Torode, both weirdly angry looking throughout, and they all took it on the chin, with some going through and… and… you know the score by now. Basically, Celebrity Masterchef is the same as ever and a real hoot to watch. It’ll only get better too.