Once again, the tabloids are awash with news of another Big Brother snogfest. This time around it’s busty ladyperson Sophie and pretty young man Kris, getting it on while sunbathing and having a tickle underneath the covers. But did they do it? You know, like, really do it? Phwoar, I hope they did. That’d be brilliant. Wouldn’t it? Nah, the questions we should be asking is, nowadays, who cares?

For all our Big Brother news, reviews and recaps, go here.

I remember, back in Big Brother 2, Helen and Paul were the first couple to fall for each other on the show. Their will-they-won’t-they relationship captivated a nation, and for a while loads of people were glued to their sets waiting for the big onscreen kiss. I should know because I was one of them.

This was something entirely different for television. Before then the only TV snogs were those seen in dramas. Now we were on the edge of our seats waiting for a real, live TV face-sucking session and the reason we were on the edge of our seats was because a) there was an element of soap opera about it and, b) we all felt a bit dirty watching it. But watch it we did and from that moment onwards a Pandora’s box was opened, showing that this level of real intimacy was now longer a televisual taboo.

In subsequent series, thanks to Paul and Helen’s relationship, housemates realised they could get away with all sorts onscreen. In fact, judging by the public’s favourable response to P and H, new housemates realised that having some sort of relationship with a fellow housemate could, in fact, boost their popularity and voting value.

So we had Jade (bless ‘er) give PJ a BJ, Saskia and Maxwell get it on and the whole cringe-worthy Anthony and Makosi affair. Intimacy was no longer sacred, and it was all out in the open.

But these relationships all followed a certain pattern – flirting, little mini chats with friends about the fact that they like that person, agonising whether having a fling with someone would be a good idea on live TV and eventual snoggage. The aftermath? Photo shoots, chatshow appearances, some lads mags and a few event appearances. And when that starts to fade it’s time to bring out the boob jobs and be photographed falling out of nightclubs so hammered you don’t know what time of day it is.

This is the way of things and these are the now-familiar templates Big Brother relationships play out from – even though the housemates change each year, their actual human behavioural patterns don’t.

Watching snippets of Kris and Sophie get it on was so shrug-inducing, it made you realise why BB is floundering. We’ve seen it all before, everything is predictable and we’re now a nation of such slavering voyeurs that seeing two people snog on television is so commonplace you might as well just sit there and watch your living room curtains all night. It would probably be more fun.

What does that say about us? I’m not sure, but watching another relationship on Big Brother is just about as dull as they come.