Getting to know the housemates of Big Brother 10 is a bit like trying to get friendly with a radio that’s almost tuned into Radio 1. It shows signs of being human with its definite human-style voices and hell, sometimes you can convince yourself that there’s an emotional response. Yet between, there’s prolonged awkward static, leaving you gawping and wondering what made your head so bored. You see, Big Brother is damned either way. When in full manipulative and cruel flow, people zone out and bemoan the fame-hungry housemates and brandish the whole thing as crass. On the other hand, like this series, when Big Brother is in generous mood, with a bunch of housemates largely getting along, the show feels pedestrian and uneventful. *Warning – Potential Spoiler Over The Jump*

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We’re a week in and nothing of great note has happened thus far. Someone got voted off and everyone was really nice about it. The harshest words thus far have been exchanged over salad. In previous years, the show has been known to rile up the housemates by making them live soberly for 4 days, before plying them with Caligula amounts of booze, crossing fingers for nudity and arguments. Now we’ve got a salad argument. A salad argument which was resolved pretty quickly.

The only bit of cruelty we’ve really seen is the renaming by deed-poll of two of the housemates. Sophie, who looks like the kinda girl who has been designed by a lusty teenager on a computer game, is now legally called Dogface. The annoying, but ultimately means-well Freddie is now legally called Halfwit.

Even in this instance, Big Brother chickened out of the two-footed challenge. I mean, if you wanted to give them seriously dodgy names, they should’ve gone for Nazi Sympathiser and STD Factory or something.

Of course, there’s been no eviction and the fall-out of nominations yet. However, The Sun has apparently leaked those up for the chop. The word on the sheets is that Freddie and Sophia are the first nominated, with six black balls each.

Until then, we’re going to have to be faintly amused by Sree who, thus far, has shuffled around the house like a randy pensioner with Parkinson’s Disease. Glassy eyed and weirdly earnest, he’s been getting girls to sit on his knee and garbling woolly philosophies about life whilst constantly appearing to be on the brink of tears. A bit like Dave Spikey when he’s not doing stand-up.

Elsewhere, there’s the usual gurning and moaning, but nothing of real note. After the first eviction proper, hopefully, the show will kick on a gear because, as it stands it’s going to continue haemorrhaging viewers.