Most people I know, don’t really like pop music. A lot of them have beards. A lot of them DJ. They’re united in their dislike for all things popular in the music world. Yet, somehow, once a year, they all settle down to watch the Eurovision Song Contest. Now, you could argue that Eurovision is a bit like the FIFA World Cup. Loads of people tune in for the World Cup Final that don’t even like football… the event takes hold. However, in a World Cup, you get the best football on the planet… in Eurovision, you really don’t get the best music can offer. Hell, you don’t even get the best pop music. So what is it?

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Without fail, year after year, I tune in for Eurovision. I can’t really think of a single Eurovision song I’ve liked over the years. I especially disliked this year’s winning number from Norway. However, therein lies one of the reasons I like it. My world and those that inhabit it are all influenced by the same things. My mates tend to like similar things to me and those that don’t tend to be influenced by BBC Radio and music channels. Basically, we’re all influenced by the British music press and American imports.

Eurovision gives us all the chance to see what everyone else is doing with their music. Sometimes, they live up to stereotype… sometimes they make you sneer and laugh… the music never fails to get an emotional response from you. Thing is, like going on holiday and hearing a local resort hit, it can provide for a seductive offering. Take Turkey’s entrant this year… it was pop music Jim, but not as we know it. It was full of wriggling hips and exotic strings… it wasn’t James Blunt or David Gray mewing over pedestrian backing. It was larger than life and designed to hit you square between the eyes. It worked.

Eurovision also gives us that competitive spirit. It’s not merely a showcase… it’s a competition. It’s like having a Top 40 that updates itself live and direct. Regardless of what I thought of Jade’s song (for the record, rubbish… it seemed like it was one phrase repeated over and over, shaded with key changes and singing ‘up’ an octave for the close), I fought her corner. “You can do it!” I willed her on. If it was just a record release, I would’ve ignored it and done something far better with my time.

We Brits don’t go and conquer the world anymore… we don’t barge into foreign countries and steal their stuff. We don’t stab our flag into the heart of the country. However, The Empire hasn’t left us… so now, we get to channel it into being inquisitive about a bunch of pop records on a TV show. We get to Fly The Flag proudly for a couple of hours.

Aside from all that, Eurovision provides big teeth baring smiles. It’s so stupidly fun that it’s pretty much impossible to resist it. Everyone likes a big show and everyone likes to take the piss. Eurovision gives us both opportunities. From the thrill of those people in those floating boxes of liquid, to giggling at people talking in funny English (“HOW ARE YOU FEELING EURO?”), Eurovision preys on all our worst and best aspects, which we can revel in for an evening, soundtracked by insanely catchy choruses and amusing traditional clothes.

God bless Eurovision. You weird and wonderful thing you.