Every time I tune into Britain’s Got Talent, which, admittedly, isn’t that often, I seem to either see Amanda Holden crying or pulling a weird face or Piers Morgan opining about the fact that “this is what this show is all about” and “this is what the country needs”. Enormous ratings and a global resonance has bred a quite breathtaking self-importance, but you can’t argue against the fact that the show, for whatever reason (complex or otherwise) has really captured the viewing public’s imagination. The final is this Saturday (ITV1, 30 May, 6.45pm/9.30pm) and already the nation is going a bit barmy…

For all our BGT news and recaps, go here.

Susan Boyle is now a global phenomenon but even before the final, the Boyle Backlash has started. I read in the papers (with angry looking photos to illustrate them) articles that say Susan Boyle In Foul Mouthed Tirade Shock! She’s leaving the show, no she isn’t, yes she is, no she isn’t. No worries, though – Susan is still favourite and even Demi Moore is jetting over to shout her support.

Then there’s 13-year-old Perri. He’s in the dance act Diversity and, being a good Essex boy and fan of the Lakeside shopping centre, he has got in amongst it to raise his profile before the big event.

He visited the ‘mall’ the other day and got his fans, of which there were obviously many, to wear specially made Perri mask (you can see the wee man in the centre of the photo if you look close enough). “Lakeside is like a second home to us so it was amazing to come back and find such great support from local fans. It’s a bit wierd having so many clones though!”

So Lakeside is like a second home to Perri. I have to worry about the parents after reading that statement – if anyone reading has been to Lakeside before, you’ll know exactly what I mean. But good luck to him and his troupe.

Me? I’m going to go for the granddad and granddaughter pairing, 2Grand.