I know John Barrowman is pure cheese but I’ve got to say that I’m a fan, mainly because he has that kind of bouncy optimism that is utterly infectious, but also because he’s (probably) the Face Of Boe, which is just a bit too cool. Thanks to his genuinely brilliant career on the stage, and more recent TV career he seems the perfect choice to host a Saturday night light entertainment show – it’s just a shame it’s a complete mess.

Related: Can a person have too much John Barrowman?

Inevitably, John opens with a song, and this should be fine – he’s a highly respected West End leading man! But somehow, it’s just awful. “I’m so excited!” he sings. “I’m so embarrassed” I think, from behind a cushion. He’s in a shiny suit (of course he is) and he just looks incredibly awkward.

It’s over quickly though, and the programme starts in earnest. I thought that the premise was to give ordinary people who have done something commendable the chance to perform for the nation, but while there is a bit of that, they’ve clearly gone for something more akin to Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, with a dash of good old Generation Game thrown in. So a lovely lady does join the cast of Hairspray and do a more-than passable job, but a girl also volunteers her footy-loving dad to join a group of Cossack dancers, and there’s a ‘John Barrowman versus….’ section.

That part, by the way, seemed more than a little unfair this week. Our John was up against (the rather ubiquitous) Matt Dawson, and the challenge they were set was ‘freestyle football’ – ie, keepy-uppies and other Ronaldo-esque ball-related tricks. Now, admittedly Matt is used to balls of a different shape, but I would suggest that it’s hardly a level playing field (mainly because that is a VERY clever pun). Not that John needed to worry, as while Matt was clearly much better, the competition was judged by a studio audience who had come to see him…

It was all very well intentioned, but the show – which was an hour long – seemed to last an age. Sometimes awkward, sometimes dull, sometimes infuriating (I’m referring to Katherine Jenkins’ dire version of Kiss From A Rose) it just never hit the mark. I didn’t want something groundbreaking, just something fun, entertaining, and a decent alternative to Britain’s Got Talent! I didn’t get it…