I’ve somehow been drawn into watching Eastenders of late, despite the fact I don’t really like it. I imagine it’s a bit like being a glue ‘ead. The whole thing isn’t terribly pleasant, but you invariably end up going back for another (air)fix. So last night, I figured I should watch The Other Big Soap, which is of course, Coronation Street (ITV1, Monday, 6 April, 8.30pm). With Corrie filmed just up the road from me, surely it would be more familiar, more welcoming than the constant wailing and death of Albert Square? Surely the accents would envelop me, call me ‘chuck’ and then tell me to ‘give over’ being ‘so soft’?

Related: Why not visit our sister site, Corrieblog, for your Coronation Street kicks? | 10 Things Noticed During The Eastenders Wedding

One thing that was noticeable about last nighht’s Corrie was how it’s much more gentle in pace than Eastenders. Th’enders is frantic and fraught. There’s always someone getting run-over and killed… there’s always someone yelling something indecipherable across The Square. And Ian Beale is a massive bell-end. However, in Corrie, it’s definitely based in something closer to reality… and we all know how slow reality is.

One segment of the show took place entirely in a van. A van! How glamorous! Weirder still, it featured the son out of John Thaw sitcom, Home to Roost, though thankfully, he’s no longer got a mullet. He’d fallen out with his daughter – with her very orange pallor – over… well… not much really.

Elsewhere, Fizz went to see someone in prison about homeschooling Chesney. Again, not very exciting. Peter Barlow, ex-rebel of The Street, now spent his time trying to impress one of Hear’say with a rabbit hutch he’d bought. Again, hardly thrilling. I guess last night’s episode was more about the community, the feeling of British provincial life, as opposed to the ridiculous panto that is Eastenders. That said, this calm is probably going to lead into a massive cull or something. They always do. Perhaps Eastenders and Corrie take it in turns to be melodramatic?

Anyway, in the show, I found that all my favourite bits featured Norris and Rita. I like Rita [Whatever Her Surname Is Now] being on my screen. I can smell the old lipsticks and blusher from her handbag. I can imagine the bit of screwed up hankie up one of her sleeves.

Norris however, I liked for very different reasons. He’s an eccentric alright, and set for a trip around the world, and probably irritating and provider of much comic relief. However, I’m not interested in all that. I’m more into the fact that, when you close your eyes and listen to Norris, you find that he sounds exactly like George from Rainbow… Geoffwey. That was almost worth my admission fee alone. Still, not quite.