Just two weeks into the new series of The Apprentice, and already I am being forced to ask the question ‘Are these really the finest business brains Britain has to offer? And if they are the best, can we even begin to contemplate what the worst must be like?’ That said, it’s the sheer uselessness of some of the candidates which is once again making this series such compelling TV. Wednesday night’s instalment saw them having to cater for business people, offering both lunch and canapes for a champagne reception. Sandwich shop owner Rocky should have found this a breeze, right?

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Wrong. The former footballer turned tycoon clearly hadn’t reckoned on the might of restaurateur Yasmina on the girls’ team, who certainly did run her operation like clockwork, even if her Mediterranean themed grub left a lot to be desired. In the end the girls wound up in profit while the boys team actually made a loss – not the kind of language Sir Alan likes to hear – despite their best attempts to entertain their clients by dressing up in togas to dish out the vol-au-vents. What happened? Did they overspend on the costumes? Perhaps they would have been better off just taking some of the bedsheets from their posh penthouse and fashioning them into togas. Or better still, just wearing normal clothes.

Still, it was almost disappointing when the girls won, since it would have been quite entertaining watching her trying to explain just why she was using Asda Smartprice tuna when the client had demanded best quality ingredients, or why her canapes were roughly the size of a baby’s arm. Why do I get the distinct impression that the next reality show Yasmina turns up on will be Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares?

But victory belonged to the ladies and they were sent off to learn how to play polo while the men faced the boardroom and ultimately the unfortunate Rocky was unable to defend himself against fellow team mate James, an ego on legs if ever there was one. ‘Your football career ended when
you were carried off on a stretcher,’ Sir Alan told him, ‘this one’s going to end in a black cab.’ Ouch.