Shane and Kelly have hit on a money-making scheme: homemade porn. If only they could get the teddy bear on top of the wardrobe to hold the camera straight. Eventually they realise there's only one place for the camera. Between Ted's legs. At least that leaves his paws free to cover his eyes. Now all they need to worry about is how many other cameras are in the bedroom at the same time, because before long there's a pirate copy of their injun-and-squaw routine doing the rounds at the Jockey.

And the Jockey is full - for Mimi and Paddy's private anniversary party. Well, they call it private, but that doesn't stop just about everyone turning up. Everyone that is, apart from the one person Mimi really wanted to see there: Paddy himself. He's still a bit tied up with the mad mother of one of his personal heroin addicts. Mad as in angry, as well as mad as in loopy. She's doing a very passable job of getting Paddy addicted to his own shit.

Back on Chatsworth the Gallaghers' errant washing machine is flooding the kitchen with alarming regularity, which is bringing Monica to the brink of a decision. "Leave them wanting more," echoes around her brain, so she drags Frank off to the bedroom, only to leave him "on the verge" while she heads off for bread. This is clearly Gallagher code, as the whole family panic on hearing the chilling phrase "Mum's gone for bread." Whatever it was she intended to leave them wanting more of, it clearly isn't bread, because there's a breadbin full.

Debbie and Maxine go "shopping" and take refuge in a cleaning cupboard when they're almost caught. Luckily there's a bottle of vodka in there to pass the time with. Too much time, unfortunately, and they end up being locked in. Only the threat of exposing the security guard as a cross-dresser gets them out of what could have been a sticky situation, but not before Maxine has offered the guy some make-up tips.

Ian's returning home for a whistle-stop visit when he discovers he's got a stowaway. A young lad called Danny whose auntie has left a note asking Ian to deliver him to his grandad's. Danny's deaf, so he doesn't hear his grandad's neighbour tell Ian that the old man died a few days before they arrived. Ian takes Danny home with him, where everyone discovers that Liam can sign. Unfortunately, Liam turns into a one-boy translation fest, and inadvertently passes on the news of the death, whereupon Danny takes off to enjoy his grief alone. When Ian follows him back to the house he discovers Danny under a bathfull of water, but it's not a suicide attempt. Merely his way of making himself feel comfortable. Takes all sorts I suppose, and Bassett's make 'em best. Ian decides he better stay for a while and the two lads start to share a bed. In a platonic way.

Satisfied with her handiwork, Maureen decides it's time to let Paddy go. She dumps him on the street. Back at the Jockey Mimi has heard the news of Monica's departure and jumps to the obvious conclusion. But Frank reassures her. Paddy is not with Monica. He prefers a woman like Mimi; Monica is just a child. Frank can always pull a philosophical nugget out of his bag when the need is greatest. Way to go buddy.

But overall, this was very much a mid-season episode. Sounds strange to say that nothing much happened on the night when Monica left, but that's how it felt. The odd funny moment stuck out like nipples in a stiff breeze among a whole load of tedious "other stuff" that seemed designed purely to pass a bit of time until we can get to the more meaty bits. Always assuming there are going to be some meaty bits.