Thursday nights are rubbish for telly. There’s hardly a thing on worth watching*. That was why I ended up sat in front of 10 Years Younger: The Challenge (Channel 4, Thursday, 19 March, 8pm). Predictably, it was still awful. You see, despite the new cuddly wuddly presenter in Myleene Klass, it’s still as nasty and spiteful as ever. In fact, it’s even nastier because of the veneer of amiability that presides the whole thing. So, like a grinning killer, the show grabbed Dawn Palmer and Sheila Mortimer by the scrag on their stomachs and flung them into fashion hell.

Related: More 10 Years Younger On TV Scoop

Every time I’ve reviewed this show in the past, I’ve attacked the people who make and present the show. I’ve mainly done this because I’m so irritated by the way they break down the participants will and self esteem on the programme. They prod and poke them until they cry themselves into submission, willing to agree to all kinds of barbaric procedures. However, this week, I’ve decided to go all out and attack absolutely everybody on the show. The public who guess the age, the ‘stars’ AND the participants. Sod ‘em.

Okay. First, the easy targets. On the show, Nicky Hambleton-Jones is still replaced by Myleene Klass. They’ve replaced the milky blooded android for another one, except the new one has an extra feature – The Cry Function. Instead of gasping at fashion faux-pas, she cries a lot. This makes the participants cry as well. I think it might be a reaction to that time she cried on The Frank Skinner Show.

Backing her up are the most repugnant set of vile-vats ever to grace a screen. Dr Jan Stanek, the cosmetic hacker, looks like a haggard cross between Rupert Murdoch and the Simpsons drawing of Richard Nixon. Lisa Eldridge (the F*cking Make-Up Woman) looks like Alice Cooper if he’d been smacked in the mouth. Like Rocky Dennis if he’d been spliced together with Manchester United sourpuss Gary Neville. Not good for a Professional Make-Up Goon.

Then, worst of the lot, is The Dentist Woman – Uchenna Okoye – who grimaces and gnashes her way through her segments like she’s dreaming of kicking ugly people unconscious after she’s had to deal with them on the show. The disdain in her face is staggering. She reminds me of Fanny Craddock only without the camp value.

We know all about that lot right? Well, the participants no longer have my sympathies anymore. If you’re stupid enough to go on the show, then you’re ripe for a kicking. They should know better by now. Dawn Palmer, a pleasant enough lady, is transformed into a boring drone. More impressive was the mid hostile make-over look, when she was a dead ringer for the lead singer from Sweet. Blockbuussssteeerr! The other woman, meanwhile, was so beige pre-and-post make-over that I completely forgot she was on-screen whilst she was on-screen.

Still, the worst of the worst, are those that are collared by the show to guess the age of the participants. They’re a beacon to stupidity. They weigh up a person and say the most monumentally thick things. ‘Urrr… she… urrr. looks like she been dead for ‘undrid years of sumfing‘ and ‘She looks like a mutton dress made out of tramp or whatever that saying is, hur hur hur’.

You could greatly improve the world by rounding up everyone who has ever featured on this show and sending them to some labour camp somewhere. That’ll age ‘em nicely. And break their spirit. Hell, stick that on telly and I’ll gleefully tune-in.

*Yes, I know Red Riding has been on, but I haven’t been watching it as I’m ‘saving myself’ for the DVD release so I can watch it like a film