The writers of Eastenders (BBC One, Thursday, 26 February, 7.30pm) have lost their minds. Seriously. Last night’s show contained some seriously thrilling fluffdrama, while also being completely batshit crazy. You may recall the seriously odd funeral of Frank Butcher, which revolved mainly around the various types of sandwich fillings he liked and the recent ‘George Michael Episode’, which revolved around George Michael, dog poo and stalking. Last night, we had a piglet, a back-sack-and-crack and someone being attacked with a picture of Frank Butcher. When Frank’s ghost is in town, it seems that Albert Square goes surreal.

Related: The George Michael Episode | Frank Butcher’s Funeral

First of all, let’s get the really good stuff out of the way. In short, the best soap family on the box right now, is the Masood clan. In Nitin Ganatra, who plays Masood Ahmed, they’ve got the most believable character in a soap, for years. He’s seriously good. He plays the joker incredibly well (never hamming it up) as well as allowing his character to plunge into very believable despair. Last night, he completely stole the show in a face-off with screenwife, Nina Wadia, who plays Zainab. Together, they wrestled with emotion and deceit, secrets and dodgy pasts… and had me punching the air, pointing at the screen and shouting “I LOVE THIS GUY!” Both a really wonderful soap actors.

However, aside from the gritty realisms (or at least, hyper-realisms), the rest of Albert Square decided it was time to take a trip into dadaist nonsense. Mo’, once more, did the amazing trick of being a less believable cock-er-ney than Dick Van Dyke, despite the fact she actually is a cock-er-ney. She ordered some pork of Chinese Harry (jeez… It’s sounding like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels!) and he delivered a piglet, leaving her howling “I’LL RING IS CHINESE NECK!”

Elsewhere, Ian ‘Please Grow Your Funny Tasche Back’ Beale was having a midlife crisis, which manifested itself in going for a jog, drinking whisky in the pub and seemingly getting his nuts waxed (although, I think we were meant to think he was visiting a Lady Of The Night).

Of course, the ghost of Frank Butcher loomed, and in Pat Butcher’s return, she stomped around Walford like an angry toddler wrapped in a leopard print rug, and had it out with Queen Bitch, Janine. A loud spat ensued, culminating in Pat whacking Janine over the head with a huge print of Frank. Sadly, it didn’t work out that we ended up with Janine’s head replacing Franks through the picture for some accidental comedy gold.

See? These writers have lost their marbles. In the Masood family, we’ve got some great performances and terse storylines… elsewhere… it’s like a bloody Salvador Dali film. I bet Mo’ ends up cutting that pig’s eyes out with scissors… mark my words.