Now that the arse has fallen out of the housing market, Relocation Relocation (Channel 4, Wednesday, 7 January, 8pm) was in danger of becoming a completely irrelevant show. I mean, you don’t want to be offered advice on something that currently feels like an unattainable dream. However, all is not lost. Relocation Relocation has gone for the TV angle as opposed to the ‘helpful advice’ schtick. Basically, the show has remembered that it works best when you get complete morons in on the act. Last night’s show featured a woman monumentally stupid and gobsmackingly spoiled. So horrendous was she that I immediately knew that we were in for a treat. I like it when my TV has Kirstie and Phil getting angry at idiots on it.

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Basically, the couple on last night’s showing had a certain amount of money to spend and couldn’t get their mushy minds around the fact that what they wanted simply didn’t exist. Worse still, the couple weren’t a loving balance. He was a wet follow-through while she was overbearing and demanding. As opposed to a stroppy tantrum type, she was a quiet and humming pile of want need want. Thankfully for the viewer, Kirstie was on hand to spit blood on our behalf.

When dealing with people like this, in the flesh at least, you tend to veer from flashes of rage and complete defeat. “I’ve seen a lack of realism in my time… but this is in a whole different league,” sighed an incredibly weary Kirstie. It didn’t bode well for her if you consider she was only showing off the second house of the show, 10 minutes in to the show. Of course, isn’t wasn’t long before the red rag saw light. Allsopp ranted and raved in all directions, including some chucked Phil’s way, who showed us a face that implied he’d seen this fury before, and it would be best if he just buttoned his lip for a minute. Kirstie ultimately stormed off yelling “I’m going for some lunch!” Phil kept his cool.

Of course, the featured couple didn’t help when they put an offer in on a house that Phil and Kirstie had found (which saw our heroine grinning with gritted teeth) before swiftly pulling the offer and buying somewhere else which went against absolutely everything that was in the brief first given. These dolts were infuriating and continued to be awkward, stroppy and unreasonable for the remainder of the show. Predictably, this odious pair got what they wanted with absolutely no come-back. Kirstie didn’t dropkick the pair of them into the sea. Phil didn’t end up saying “D’you know what? Screw this. I’m off.” Such is life I suppose. That said, it makes for toe-curling and enjoyable telly and, from the snippet of next week’s show, it promises to be more of the same. TV you love starring people enjoyably hateful.