Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. Even that sentence sounds wrong, doesn’t it? Well, the premise of having a line up of screaming young girls and then picking one to be your new best mate sounds wrong too. No, not just wrong… creepy. The show was inadvertently hilarious. But most of this was because of the contestants, not Paris herself.

I actually don’t mind Paris Hilton. Annoying? Yes. Vacuous? Of course. Stupid? No. I really think her ‘I’m so ditzy’ attitude is a game. She makes money from being stupid. She knows that the premise behind this show is a farce. How she doesn’t laugh through the bits she plays straight is beyond me. I imagine botox helps. It’s great publicity for her over this side of the pond and she plays up to what everyone wants to see.

But the contestants, bless them, do think it’s actual real life. They attack each challenge they’re set with so much gusto, and squeal when they get a text from Paris on their Diamonique Blackberry telling them what they have to do next. They all cry when Paris made them over to HER liking, because they wanted to be her best friend. But what being Paris’ BBF (shudder) actually means is signing a contract to make a certain amount of public appearances with Paris. Aaaaah, that’s what real friendships are made of, isn’t it? The contestants clearly think they’ll be true friends. Hearing the girl from Essex say, “you can kip on my boyfriend’s sofa bed if you like” was fabulous.

They deserve everything they get though. The boy who insisted he’d steal and spend time in jail was scary. I think he was actually serious. The contestants they’ve dragged in are, I’m sure, very lovely. But goodness me they’re taking this all very seriously. And, in true reality TV style, they squeal and scream. A lot. Like America’s Next Top Model, but more shallow. Yes, more shallow.

But she’s done it. She’s made it impossible not to watch this show. On one hand she gives you the, “Oh my GOD you have a nightclub in your house. Your closet is bigger than my house!” excitement. On the other, she dishes out a show so mind numbingly stupid you loath yourself a little bit for watching it. Which is the perfect reality telly really.

Watch this. And feel a little bit grubby afterwards.