It wouldn’t surprise me at all if you were sat there thinking ‘Who the crap is Dave Lamb when he’s at home?!‘ Obsessive Eastenders viewers may cry “He’s the guy who played that bloke on Albert Square!” Well, if I said that Dave Lamb was the bloke that made Come Dine With Me worth watching, you should be immediately transported to a world of sarcastic comments and quips about the various dunderheads who feature on the show. Yes. That Dave Lamb.

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I had a hangover this weekend. The first proper hangover I’ve had in ages. As such, I couldn’t be bothered with channel hopping, so I stuck More 4 on and watched five episodes of Come Dine With Me, back-to-back. I always knew Dave Lamb was perfect for this show, but man, I’d forgotten just how brilliant he was! The last time I’d listened to him taking the piss on this show was on one of the celebrity editions, which don’t work at all. There’s something about the Come Dine With Me shows that demand weird showy-offy members of the public with horrible middle class houses. The slebs are just too self aware.

Yesterday, I watched as he took just about everyone to the cleaners with satirical stabs and hilarious sarcastic asides. I gleefully yelled at my girlfriend: “HE’S SUCH A BITCH!” Now, when I’m watching TV shows, I shout many things at the screen, but “HE’S SUCH A BITCH!” is never one of them. That’s the thing – Dave Lamb turns me into a camp Manhattan stylist or something. I coo and purr at every cat-scratch and revel in the Queeniness of it all. It’s bizarre.

Of course, Lamb is at his best when the contestants are especially nuts. Yesterday, the whole five were completely bonkers. Lamb, ad-libbing, nailed the lot of them. If only director’s commentaries on DVDs were so much fun. Watching Come Dine With Me, without Lamb’s curt-lets, doesn’t even bear thinking about.