Take That week, and the show opened with a fabulous number from the boys. I was never a fan during the whole of their first incarnation but I have to say that since they reformed I think they’ve come out with some excellent music. And of course the contestants tonight had their entire back catalogue to have a go at. So would the song choices stand up to scrutiny? How would the only boy band in the competition handle another boy band’s sound? And what was that spat all about between Louis and Dannii that had her in tears and unable to introduce her act?

With Take That safely back in their box it was time to start the show proper, and opening up for us last night was Alexandra Burke.

I firmly believe Alex is the best all-rounder in the show, certainly the best singer, and tonight she proved equally capable at handling a complex dance routine. Singing Relight My Fire, she looked fantastic and nailed both the song and the routine. Brilliant.

Ruth sang Love Ain’t Here Anymore. Not a song I’m familiar with but she made it sound good with a trademark powerhouse performance. In “training” Gary Barlow had told her not to “batter the audience over the head with your powerful voice.” I think the idea was to start slow, low and lyrical and build up to a charged climactic finish. I think she got past the first two lines before starting to blow, but that’s just Ruth. Big girl; big voice.

Ironically this was always going to be a tough week for JLS. Even though the music – designed to be performed by a boy band – would be perfectly suited to their vocal harmonies, whatever they did would attract a comparison with the original. I thought their choice of A Million Love Songs was strange – it’s a pretty boring, repetitive song really, but they looked very sharp while doing it, and were supported by Louis doing his impression of a constipated pigeon. During the judging it transpired that they had had to change their song choice 24 hours ago. They’d wanted to do Rule The World, but that had already been chosen by Dannii for Rachel. This led Louis to accuse Dannii, rather unfairly, of “nicking” the lads’ song, when in fact the judges take it in turns to pick first, and this was Dannii’s week to choose before Louis.

So not only did Louis make himself look like a complete dick, but why on Earth did he only find out about this 24 hours before the live show? With a boring song and only 24 hours to perform, coupled with the aforementioned “comparison with Take That” factor, it was not surprising to see JLS in the bottom two this week.

Rachel was up next with… what was it?… oh yes, Rule The World. A brilliant song, but a less than brilliant performance from her, I’d say. And what was with those weird ribbon men doing aerial acrobatics? Whether it was a public backlash against her for “stealing” JLS’s choice, or just because she wasn’t really very good, she too found herself in the bottom two this week.

Having had a free pass two weeks ago, and been gifted through the voting last week after a poor performance blamed once again on the lingering laryngitis, this week Diana croaked and gulped her way through Patience. She is so fey, she reminds me of the kind of person you find in a garret off the high street in Glastonbury who spends all day peering into a crystal ball and summoning up the power of the goddess. Well she’s getting her support from somewhere. Much of her reedy vocal was drowned by the backing track and yet again she had the judges fawning all over her telling her what a brilliant performance it was. I really must be missing something. I thought it was awful.

Last up was Yoghurt singing Never Forget. We had to sit through a huge load of guff in advance of his slot about how hard the high notes were and how he didn’t want to try to reach them in case he didn’t make it, and then was convinced he needed to “push himself.” I got the distinct impression this was all a load of bollocks designed to make us think how “amazing” it was when he hit all the notes, but in the end we didn’t find out whether he hit them or not because once again they were all drowned out by the backing singers. And he had a veritable army of them in support too. A battalion on each side. More brown nosing from the judges. He didn’t quite manage to put me to sleep this week, but it was a close call.

So on the basis that I no longer understand anything about how this show works and am totally out of touch with yoof moosic, I think we can guarantee that BOTH Yoggan and Diana will be in the final. Which will, in that case, be a yawnorama of the worst kind.

So JLS and Rachel in the sing off, and before they’d even announced what songs they were singing, the result was a foregone conclusion. The contest needs JLS much more than it needed Rachel, unfortunately for her, and despite all Simon’s prevaricating, which he did solely to alleviate Rachel’s bad feelings, the voting was never in doubt. JLS sang Stand By Me/Beautiful Girl medley, Rachel sang I’m Not Leaving, Rachel performed much better than JLS, but in the end it didn’t make any difference. She left, giving the lie to her sassy last song.

Next week – “all American week” – and the remaining five contestants will be singing TWO songs each: one Britney Spears number and one American classic. Britney will be appearing on the show along with Miley Cyrus. And one further change to the normal running order: from next week the act voted off is decided solely on votes cast. No more judges’ decisions between the bottom two contestants.