Last night, I watched and thoroughly enjoyed River Cottage Autumn (Channel 4, Thursday, 6 November, 8pm) and was left thinking that Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall is the Jeremy Clarkson of the countryside. No, I don’t mean loud mouthed, but rather, a statesman for aspirational telly. I’ll never drive a Shelby Cobra and nor will I ever get to live on a lovely farm, despite both talking like it’s possible. I do love peering into their world though. That said, watching River Cottage Autumn, I was nearly derailed by the sheer level of puns. All that good stuff about jam, pork and medlar chutney… and in particular, those really, really, really cool floating Chinese lantern things, was nearly spoiled by… well… read over.

Considering that this show was an hour long… check out the huge number of puns that I managed to scribble down during broadcast…

“Barking up the wrong tree”, in reference to his climbing a tree for some fruit

“Heavens above!” when referring to some church land

When stirring in some pulp, Hugh quips “pulp friction!”

“The hedge of reason”

“I’ve got pig’s trotters… and no… it’s not just the way I’m standing”

A recipe for trotters? “Hot to trot!”

In relation to Eli the sheep? “He’s not coming with out a ram-alama-ding-dong!”

When it comes to mating, the ewes are “not the least bit sheepish!”

Not only that but it’s “Ram! Bam! Thank you… lamb.”

On a plot of land near an airport? “I’ve spread my wings in search of a green and
pleasant landing.”

More? “This site could be a runway success!”

On poultry “it’s no time to chicken out of Sunday lunch!”

On more mating “On looking for a boar-friend for Blossom, I haven’t got an oinkling who to go for!”

“A piggy we can bank on”

“Time to curry favour with my guests” (yep, curried chutneys)

“If you’re having a party on bonfire night, you certainly want it to go with a bang!”

He even made a joke which involved ‘Roger’ the pig.

The show’s last words were even a pun, which came about during apple bobbing… “Hugh… I pipped you!”

Give me strength! It’s nearly as bad as a Carry On… film!