Okay. This is getting silly. I’ve spent the whole series trying to predict what’s going to happen in The Restaurant (BBC Two, Wednesday, 22 October, 8pm) whilst simultaneously acknowledging the fact that it’s night on impossible to second-guess. I’ve found the difference between my decision making and that of Raymond Blanc and his team, is that all of my guesses are from my heart, whereas the very rich and always right Raymond uses his head and his heart together. So where does that leave us? Well, I can only vouch for myself… it leaves my completely enthralled and confused…

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Last week, I waved goodbye to my favourite couple and then, as soon as they got the chop, realised that Helen and Stephen were actually not as great, nor indeed nice, as I thought they were. With a snide aside at the close, Helen doubted Raymond, and anyone who kneels at the hem of this show knows that no-one doubts Him. However, I keep having my faith tested as He perseveres with Alasdair and James. Just what is it that they have that I can’t see? They keep making mistakes that are as bad as any I’ve ever seen in both series of this show combined. While there’s no doubting that James is a great cook, Alasdair is as clumsy as a drunk horse getting up an escalator.

Pardon? What was that?

That’s right, this is the week where everything turned on its head. Alasdair grew in confidence while James disappointed some customers with some of his grub. In other restaurants, things were back-to-front too. Tim, normally very efficient and composed was exposed for a huge lack of foresight (as underlined, highlighted in yellow pen and circled in red biro with a ‘see me’ with some boiled cabbage) while Lindsie shone out front. The world didn’t quite invert at The Cheerful Soul, but Michelle, for the first time in weeks, didn’t wail.

Faced with super-tricky (and in some cases, idiotic) customers, all struggled and all received relevant criticisms from Raymond in his den. Once again, being the moron that I am, I threw myself headlong into trying to decide who might win… ‘It can’t be Tim and Lindsie, not with the pulling of his face when criticised by Raymond…’, ‘It can’t be Alasdair and James… surely? I’m still laughing at scaloops!’, ‘Not Michelle and Russell… she keeps saying “I don’t want to do this”‘… but this was the last three, surely it gets easier as the odds narrow?

Not a chance. Fact is, just when I thought someone was going to get put through to the final, with the other two gnarling at the scraps of the challenge, Raymond promptly puts all three couples in! A wise, wise choice. So what have they got to look forward to? There’s the small matter of working for Raymond… with Raymond… in Raymond’s kitchen. There will be stress like we’ve never seen before… and someone is gonna snap. Just don’t try pre-empting who.