Initially I was going to review What To Eat Now (BBC Two, Monday, 22 September, 8.30pm) but Mr Ed. beat me to it. “No worries”, I thought, “my review was going to be a bile fuelled hate-piece on that odious turd at the helm of the show”. As my editor enjoyed this godforsaken show, it thankfully gives me free reign to vent all kinds of spleen in the direction of The Worst Food Show Of The Year By Some Distance.
To read Paul’s rather more glowing review, go here.
There’s so many reasons why I hate this programme and the ‘star’ of it. Firstly, and most importantly, he’s the new Nigella. He’s the male Nigella. He’s a blithering toff who feigns coolness to paste the cracks of a very idiotic OkayYaa… not that this is going to turn into a class-bash. Fact is, this snivelling git is the worst aspect of Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall reduced down in a pan mixed with the ‘Good Breeding’ of Ms. Lawson. I hate every inch of his Rocky Dennis head.
Not only this, he is, without question, the most disgusting eater I’ve ever seen on telly. He rolls half chewed grub around his slack, gaping face-hole, talking and yakking on about some crap or other with bits flopping out like half dead fish. I thought John Torode was a bad chewer! This guy make cattle look like Geisha.
Aside from my personal gripes, as a telly spud, he makes no sense. He provides information so useless that it’s a wonder that this ever got aired. Fair enough, it would be lovely to forage for sloes, hazelnuts and crayfish… however, I live in a city and the nearest greenery I have is generally hoiked up by the phlegmy alcoholic who I see every morning outside my house. Even when I lived by the countryside, I’m sure that, after a day at work, I wouldn’t have been that into trekking for two-and-a-half hours up a hill for a hunt for some nuts.
Okay, so you can buy some of these things at your supermarket. Fine… but… so? What’s your point? Crayfish, in his world, is abundant and cheaply caught. For me, it’s not in any of the shops ’round my way. And the local fish monger doesn’t exist. Thereby, he’s essentially made a show about food I can’t eat and therefore, cannot be inspired by. In this idiot’s world of nearby delicatessens and babbling brooks, he’s clearly not seen the way that I, and just about everyone I know, lives.
However, what grated the most… to the point where my girlfriend actually looked at me with pleading eyes and said “I actually feel sick… can we turn it off? I’m having a Bee Gees moment*”
Not only do we have all these irritating traits, but Valentine Warner says things like “STYLEE!” and whoops at his own self worth at every given chance. This bloke is as hip as a mullet. Valentine Warner is an unbearable human being who reeks of rugger and Hooray Henrying. Ladies and Gents… I have a new TV enemy.
*Note – A ‘Bee Gees’ moment is this. An ex-girlfriend of mine used to become psychically ill when she saw the video for ‘Stayin’ Alive’, and thereby, all instances where someone is making you feel literally nauseous is now known as ‘a Bee Gees moment’
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So mainly you have a problem with the food because you live in a city? One with apparently, no food shops. He wasnt that bad. He’s a bit of a knob, but fairly likeable. Either move, or get some friends who live somewhere nicer. You sound like a jumped up london tw*t.
I’m sure Mof can stick up for himself, but he lives in Manchester.
well…you really dont like the chap! Thats pretty evident but i personally find him brilliant. i have tried some of his recipes and i live in a big town near a large city..so i too dont have access to crayfish in a river etc on my door step but i have to say his food rocks!! Like most people, if you dont have all of the ingredients as a rule you adapt the recipe to what you can get hold of…but no you just see fit to take on a personal assination of a chap who has taken a different approach to food than the main stream. I’m all for using natural produce from the best resources you can find/afford. i dont have a bottomless pit of money to pay for truly organic meat/food but i do the best i can and consequently end up with great food on my home table! You seem to be more of the jumped up toff than valentine doesnt even remotely come close to. The guy has charm and obviously a great talent and i shall be tuning every week. So enjoy your big brand supermarket rubbish whilst the rest of us mere mortals enjoy some thing a little bit more tasty!! As taste is some thing you certainly do not have!
Remember when everyone decided it was disgraceful that the BBC didn’t employ people with regional accents? Since when did being inclusive mean excluding someone from a posh background? Don’t knock the guy for his upbringing, the show is all about enjoying food in all its forms, from being pulled from the ground to served on a plate, (which must be why he tucks in after creating a dish rather than putting it on a pedestal to be worshipped). I find his happiness to get his hands dirty and lack of cheffy overblown ego refreshing. The whole point of the show is about what is at its best, it is important to set it in context of the landscape. I’m not likely to pull on a pair of wellies and go foraging myself, but I enjoy watching Big Cat Diary and I’m not likely to go on safari either. The last time I looked beetroot and anchovies weren’t a delicacy reserved for the priviledged. Maybe Warner could knock up a sauce for the chip on Mof’s shoulder.
Dawn you took the words right out my mouth…well said.
Valentine is talented, handsome,witty, charming, and inspiring.
He’s very BBC, and it sounds like your very ITV. Your Val-bashing is laughable.
You sir… are an idiot!
His food programme is pretty much the only one which has got me inspired to do some ‘simple’ cooking in ages. Most of the recipe are extremely easy, tasty and accessible.
Prat.
Oh Mof, what an angry young man you are!
A bit over the top I feel. And what is this word you use – “psychically” ill?
Valentine may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but he is certainly talented and interesting and I am dying to try his recipes!
Jesus Christ – Val is the best thing that’s happened to food on TV for bloody ages! I love his boundless enthusiasm and genuine interest in how simply we can make fantastically tasty food. He is goofily charming and, obviously, his well-to-do background has formed some of the quirkier aspects of his personality. From my point of view, (I’m definitely no toff and don’t call rabbits ‘bunnies’ before blasting their heads of), this is a refreshing change from yelling, swearing, canteen ladies and crap being emptied out of tins. If you can’t see that Valentine already knows his persona is slightly laughable, you’re plainly quite the thicko. Go and microwave some noodles or something.
Do you really think that everyone lives in a city, with alcoholics on their doorstep, like you do? I know he may not embody the glossy cookery shows you seem to prefer, and even though I am not a devoted fan, I fnd Valentine Warner completely harmless. I’m not from a ‘well bred’ background, nor a ‘poorly bred’ one, and nothing about his manner offends me. I like his enthusiasm and the food he cooks, and most of all I get the idea he is just trying to remind people of what’s in season at the moment. In fact, he doesn’t use obscure and expensive ingredients. I have lived both in the country and in London, and contrary to popular belief, when a person moves to London from the country, the other people who live there do not just disappear into thin air. I know plenty of people who happily live in the rest of this reasonably sized country, shopping in supermarkets and local shops when it is convenient (in fact, markets are much cheaper, and even my greengrocer in London is amazing. I’m not in what would be called an affluent area). I think your attack on Warner is a little narrow-minded, to be honest.
Thank the lord the public have defended Valentine. He is championing the kind of food we have forgotten about – food that actually grows/lives and comes from Britain! Valentine Warner loves food and loves life and that’s evident in the way he presents his show. Class or where you live have nothing to do with it. I live in a big city and have managed to cook quite a few of his recipes easily and they were all totally delicious. I suggest you, mof, go back to chips and badly cooked, steak. After all, that’s all you can get in the city isn’t it?
Mof, I’m afraid to say that you are being naive, ignorant and a little “chippy” for you’re own good. You give the impression that urban dwellers have to resign themselve to unseasonal frozen food or kebabs. Well look further than the end of you nose my angst ridden little sewer rat. I too live in the inner city and with a little effort you can find all these seasonal ingredient. I suggest that if you are interested in food than stop going to your local iceland for your chicken nuggets and embrace someone like Mr. Warner who is trying to educate us in eating great tasting seasonal food.
You’ll all be glad to know that, minutes from my scruffy flat in Manchester, a fish monger has opened.
It still doesn’t stop Valentine Warner from saying ‘stylee’ and being the most disgusting eater on television.
Mof Gimmers
Completely agree, he is bloody awful. Plus his face is about 100% too far round the corner.
Couldn’t agree with you more MOF. His over enthusiasm is so contrived. mmmmmm. mmmmmm. MMMMMMMMMMM. This is DELICIOUS. – some leftover new potatoes that have been fried with rosemary. Really?????
And his “oh I’m catching some fish in a river. Yipppeeeeee. This is such fun.
He is so irritating.