There’s been a tremor underneath the Pump Room in Bath, which for some reason has led to the release of toxic gas. All this is revealed in a broadcast news bulletin, but just in case you missed it, Dolly rushes in declaring “Some people have been gassed!” Yeah thanks mate. We just heard it on the news. Like, seconds ago. And so the third instalment of Archaeology for People with Very Short Attention Spans begins.

On the odd occasion I’ve been accused of reviewing a programme while in a bad mood, and allowing my mood to spill out into my review. I didn’t feel especially out of sorts last night, either before, during or after Bonekickers, but it sure is easy to give this particular instalment a bone kicking. It was absolutely littered with dialogue gems of such sparkling brilliance and originality I could hardly keep my hands from covering my ears to stem the pain.

Viv: “I feel a bit sick – I need a smoothie.” See? Now that’s original. No, really. How many other people do you know who use smoothies as a cure for nausea?

Dolly: “[we're] bon viveurs and erotic adventurers.” You might think you’re erotic mate. I think you’re just a dirty old man.

Dolly again, on finding an inscribed tablet beneath the Pump Room: “What a thoroughly incongruous place to find an inscription.” Does anyone really talk like this? No. Did the writers read their lines out loud before committing them to the actors? No.

And did you notice how Mogwai’s mobile phone worked perfectly at the dig site? Several metres below ground in a rock-lined chamber? Lucky her! Mine goes off as soon as I start down the escalators at Victoria.

Gillian, after the team has found TWO items at the dig: “This is like a whole settlement’s worth of stuff.” A whole, SMALL, settlement, perhaps? Maybe the Celts didn’t get on very well with each other, let alone the Romans who torched their village.

And then, about 15 minutes in, the final straw:
Dolly: “Something about it got Dr Magwilde all frothy about the nether regions.”

And that, I’m afraid, is where I finally gave up and bade goodbye to Bonekickers forever. I mean, I have a strong constitution. I’m tenacious. I’ve lasted longer than many. But I just can’t sit and listen to this utter dreck any longer. Sincere apologies to anyone who read this far expecting the usual run-down of the action with pithy comments. I’m all out of pith. Because, seriously, Bonekickers has taken the pith for far too long.

If you’re really interested, you can watch it on iPlayer until next Wednesday.