Before I even start, has anyone else noticed that BBC’s iPlayer has a volume that goes up to 11 like spinal tap? Anyway. Scallywagga (BBC Three, Wednesday, 18 June, at some point in the day). I’d made a snap decision on this programme before it had even aired leaving some readers calling me “small minded”, “bitter” and best of all “an old fart” (I’m in my 20s for the record). Some readers agreed saying that it was “horrible, horrible, horrible” and one reader going as far as to say “This should have been put down at birth along with those who came up with this diabolical cack.” So, with such polarised views, I thought I’d have another look at it.

Fresh from watching it, I have to say that my knee-jerk reaction was spot on. Scallywagga is one of the most depressing things I’ve ever seen. At one point, I was so bored AND irritated that I did a little sick in my mouth and it cheered me up. Things are bad when you get to that stage. I’d go so far as to say that Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps is superior to this. Even if Two Pints… had cameos from Gillian McKeith, Nigella Lawson and Alexa Chung… it would look like a Kurbrick film in comparison.

One thing that Scallywagga trades heavily on is stereotypes. Now, I know most comedy does this to a degree, but good comedy gives you a twist. Perhaps an unexpected warmth or some kind of tragedy. I’m thinking of Steve Coogan’s characters or maybe those two from Peep Show. Whatever their slant, there’s something to invest in. However, you can’t invest in a skidmark… as that’s what Scallywagga is.

The stereotypes given in this show are as follows. Northerners are stupid and southerners are posh. Black people speak like yardies (and ting) and are usually crims. Girls are thick or shallow… or both. People who work in shops are all idiots. End of transmission.

If you open your eyes, ears, nose, mouth and mind for one second, you’ll know that this show could never be funny. All the best comedy comes from experience and observation. However, Scallywagger is clearly a show that’s spent all its time on the Playstation. In fact, I’m surprised that there wasn’t a joke about someone sticking a joypad down their underpants and tittering for 3 minutes.

The only conclusion I came to… and it won’t be a popular one… is that there’s only one type of person dimmer than those featured in the Scallywagger sketches and that’d be the people who laugh at this no-dimensional drivel. Comedy has reached an epic new low. I’d rather watch Jim Davidson.