I’m sure that everyone who has some interest in The Apprentice is perfectly aware that the final episode is on BBC One tomorrow at 9pm. But there’s every chance that you’ve missed an episode here and there, so you can pop over the cut for a quick catch-up, using quotes from my reviews, and links to write-ups of every episode in full.

“One of the first contestants to speak to the camera mentioned the fact that he got a First for his degree, and a distinction for his masters. He clearly hasn’t been watching. That means nothing on the Apprentice; if anything, it’s a disadvantage, despite the fact that Sir Alan maintains that he makes no judgments about people based on their education. As for the guys overall, there’s a hell of a lot of designer stubble going on… think Hollyoaks Does The Apprentice.”
Week 1

“On the lad’s team, Raef (who has clearly stepped out of a time machine from colonial India circa 1950) takes the lead. They sit down, got out their most handsome pens and three different people uttered 110% at the same time. As a result, my blood pressure went up onehundredandtenpercentfold. The girls kick into gear and talk and talk and talk and talk… all of it inane marketing speak, none of it remotely useful.”
Week 2

“Not that the boys were doing brilliantly in the kitchen either. They were determined not to miss lunch service, and so even though they’d missed out on the wholesale retailers the day before, they decided to just plough on, and buy all of their ingredients from the supermarket. Including Dolmio sauce. As things got fraught in the kitchen, one of the marketing-team-turned-front-of-house-staff (tough life) said to Kevin “Don’t shout at me!” “I’m a chef…” Kevin replied, rather dejectedly, “that’s what chefs do.”"
Week 3

“In Renaissance, it was clear from the very beginning that Alex wasn’t going to be entirely supportive of his team leader; when Simon asked him if he’d be his point of contact for a separate team he “backed off from it so far he was practically out of the room”, as Margaret would later put it. “Right, Claire, it can be you then”, Simon said. Talk about out of the frying pan, into the fire. In the car with Alex she said “Simon’s like a toddler; he’s very enthusiastic but we’re holding the reins to keep him up.”"
Week 4

“Things were going surprisingly smoothly over with Alpha, though, and Margaret was obviously impressed with Lucinda’s leadership style: “She has a good manner without being dictatorial” she said, “I think she’s doing quite well.” That’s “wow, someone who doesn’t suck” in Margaret-speak, of course. Yup, the kitchen team of Lucinda, Lee and Helene were all doing well, and the sales team of Jen, Raef and their leader Lindi, appeared to be getting loads of meetings with potential buyers. It all seemed a little too good to be true… and we’d later find out that it was.”
Week 5

“The initial meetings threw up some interesting ideas, but as always, those who shouted loudest got their ideas taken up on. In Renaissance, Sara suggested cards for religious festivals that are currently underrepresented – surely a perfectly reasonable, and utterly marketable idea – but she was never going to get heard once Jennifer had begun spouting her Save The Planet ideology. The thing is, that no-one could argue with the fact that it’s an important issue, but what none of them seemed to consider whether it was the right thing to put into a greetings card. Which it clearly isn’t.”
Week 6

“No detail was so thoroughly overlooked, however, as the fact that the chicken they were to buy had to be kosher. Now, to be fair, they did acknowledge that it had to be kosher (Alpha cleverly headed to the Jewish quarter), it’s just that none of them knew what it meant. Eventually they assumed – Morocco being a Muslim country – that kosher must mean chicken which has been blessed by a Muslim holy man. But they weren’t even completely worried about that, and simply asked the butcher to say Allah before killing the poor, presumably rather confused chuck. So, all in all, they ended up with items in the wrong colour, the wrong brand, or the wrong religion…”
Week 7

“At this stage we finally got some new little interview quotes, and Claire – who has undergone something of a positive transformation of late, felt that others were heading in the opposite direction: “I can see people cracking up!” she said. Helene was rather dismissive of the opposition: “In life I wouldn’t associate with this people, and in business I would fire these people.”
Week 8

“Helene and Claire quickly became concerned that Michael and Raef were becoming a little too precious about the cinematic integrity of the piece, and with good reason: on a locations reccy Raef walked into a classroom and said “I want it to say school!” Michael – in a rare instance of him being the voice of reason – just replied “It is a school.” Oh, and Raef and Michael at one point were rehearsing “Act 1, Scene 1″. Now scenes I can understand, but acts? When Doctor Theatre works his magic on someone who’s already well, bad things happen, clearly.”
Week 9

“I was going to start this post with “DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD” until I realised a) Michael isn’t a witch and b) that’s a bit harsh. But you know what I mean – how could I *not* celebrate the fact that Michael Sophocles has finally, finally been fired from The Apprentice? About three weeks after the time at which he *should* have been fired, admittedly, and even as he did the deed, you could see that Sir Alan was wondering whether he was making the right decision (YES! YES YOU ARE!) but all those provisos aside, Michael is gone. About time too.”
Week 10

“When it comes to the firings, I’ll be brief, and simply say that Lucinda alone was fired, with the words “I’m afraid you’re a little too zany for me”. How sad – no room for something a little different in the business world, clearly. And in any case, zany? Lucinda is, at most, eccentric, and let’s face it, in any arena other than business she’s the one that would look normal, and she’s certainly the only one I would have any interest in spending time with because she would have things to talk about other than balance sheets.”
Week 11