Oh dear. It’s that time again. I’ve said it before, and now I’m about to say it again, because, year-after-year it’s true. The nation is about to be split in two. Those that hate Big Brother and those that don’t watch it. There. I’ve got it out of the way (apologies to any readers who have heard me saying that for the past 3 years). Anyway, the Big Brother Launch Show (Channel 4, Thursday, 5 June, 9pm) is upon us and the question is… will this be the last?

Once Big Brother was a truly dazzling spectacle. No-one knew what to expect and we’d never seen anything like it. It was the weirdest soap opera around. Then, over time, thanks to a relentless march of pea-brained dimwits with one eye on the camera, Big Brother went from weird polarising show to the very signal of the apocalypse. Even though it’s only a TV show, it had people running into the streets yelling “IT’S THE END OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD! POP-CULTURE IS DEAD! THE NATION’S BRAIN IS ROTTING!”

Of course, launch night is the night when people tune in and point at the screen, slack jawed and thinking ‘where do these people come from? Are they grown in tubes in an offshore building like Fort Boyard?’. Weirdly, this is probably the most important Big Brother in history because somehow, the producers have to find a way of making the show so it isn’t repetitive AND isn’t as forced as recent years. Personally, I think this is one test that it won’t get over and this will be the end of it’s like. Cry or celebrate accordingly…