An open letter to Channel 4 regarding Big Brother

Seriously. Stick a hand up if you like seeing people suffer. Now, I'm not talking about some gritty Jimmy McGovern drama, but rather, real people, really being made to suffer. We're not talking about stealing someone's fags either... more like the kind of suffering you can imagine if you got a heroin addict, took away their gear and stuck them in a clear plastic hutch on the corner of Oxford Street with a series of magnifying glasses concentrating the heat of the sun on to their naked flash. That kind of suffering. Am I right in assuming that no-one really wants anyone to suffer that much?

I say all this because there's another row goin' on, down the Big Brother house. Thankfully, this time it's not racist abuse, but rather, a special kind of hatred for other people in general that you only get on Big Brother and Jeremy Kyle. The key difference between the two is that at least on Jeremy Kyle, the people know each other and someone may have cheated on the other one... Big Brother is just about hatred. Hatred and games that involve funny outfits. Reminds me of fascists now you mention it.

Basically, this is what's happened. Loads of people have complained to Ofcom (them again) about verbal attacks made by a housemate on three others. Ofcom have received 361 complaints about the behaviour of Alexandra De Gale, after she laid into Rebecca Shiner, Rachel Rice and Stephanie McMichael on Tuesday night's Channel 4 highlights edition of Big Brother. It's thought that Channel 4 have had a similar amount of complaints which would put the total at more than 700.

The current row kicked off about food. De Gale was seen shouting at Shiner for burning dinner, saying: "If you want to play games with your food, do it at home." Rice defended Shiner, who was met with: "You're getting on my fucking nerves, you prick. I don't give a fuck what you think," from De Gale.

Then, Stephanie came to Rachel's aid, shouting: "That's it. I might be 19 but I am not going to sit back and watch someone speak to someone else like that. It's completely out of order. No one has the right to make someone else cry." De Gale then turned and spat "You're so plastic you couldn't even do the fucking task, remember that one?"

Of course, people cried in the diary room and Big Brother smacked the hand of the bully, and promised to 'look into' the whole thing. Yep. Nice one. Thanks for that. Tell you what, I've got this crazy idea. Instead of trying to push people until they snap, or winding them up by feeding them hot-bolts like badger baiters, why not scrap the whole programme.

Y'see, I'm pretty certain that Big Brother take no responsibility for people like Charley Uchea, preferring to think that they're taking her on a journey, where she will become a better and more rounded person. 'She's doing ever so well for herself now... she's got a single out hasn't she? Wonderful.' No. Not wonderful at all. These idiots may exist pre-Big Brother house, but egging them on and giving them the spotlight writ large, is not acceptable.

Big Brother isn't just a TV show anymore. It's an exercise in malicious sniggering and contempt... a complete contempt for all that walk through the door. They're herded up like cattle and branded with hot-pokers until one kicks. When one kicks, they all tumble like dominoes... and the show's producers simply titter away and coo "doesn't it make great TV!".

Dear, Channel 4, End 'em all, and whoever else makes this godforsaken show, people pull the plug on it. The novelty wore off a long time ago. You're creating dickheads and upsetting normal people who want to experience a bit of TV. As long as you dangle a carrot, people will go for a chomp... regardless of what's at stake... and at stake here is people's sanity. Gordon Brown is getting in all kinds of trouble for this 42 day thing whereas you're detaining people for longer with crueler methods... AND BROADCASTING IT 24 HOURS A DAY! What next? Guantanamo TV?

Please heed this from someone who truly loves TV... no more Big Brother.

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