8 Out Of 10 Cats is to return to our screens. Jimmy Carr hosts proceedings once more as does Sean Lock as team captain. As I don’t watch the show, Jason Manford being the other team captain is either news (as it used to be Dave Spikey didn’t it?) to you, or you’re shouting at the screen “Oh! Do keep up!”

There will be the usual rounds including What Are You Talking About? in which teams of comedians and celebrity guests dissect current news stories, from cutting-edge politics to trash TV via global issues and celebrity excesses. Plus some inventive new strands ensure the panellists are kept on their toes. Seeing as I really dislike the show, I’ve interview 10 cats to see if at least 8 of them enjoy the show.

All the cats were asked one simple question – Do you prefer 8 Out Of 10 cats?

Katkin – To be honest, I prefer a good documentary. Attenborough does pretty good shows. I also like watching Looney Toons.

Lil’ Frank Sinatra – Jimmy Carr? You’re kiddin’ me right? Listen buddy, when I see that bozo, I’m scratching at the door tryin’ to get out y’know? I’d rather savage a sparrow any day?

Cat Stevens – To be honest, I don’t catch too much TV as I’m usually in the studio writing songs. However, I did see this show once and it was pretty funny in places. I guess I probably do like it.

Eric – [simply licks own arse then walks away]

Duncan – You gonna tickle me chin? No? Why should I tell you anything. Listen, I’m off out for a bit, so if anyone asks, jus’ tell ‘em that you saw me sunbathing by the bins okay? Telly? What? 8 Out Of 10 Cats? Never heard of it mate.

Princess – I love a laugh and this fine comedy show on Channel 4 really does it for me. In fact, I think it’s the best thing on the box. I get free Felix for this don’t I?

Eartha Kitt – Puuurrrrr…. meeeeoooow… get down you bad boy… pppprrrrrrrrr….

Terry and June -

June “What do you make of it Terry?”
Terry – “Dunno, I guess I quite like it”
June – “Yeah, me too”.
Terry – “I’m hungry”
June – “You’re always hungry…”

Cat Deeley – Yes.

Ollie Reed – [SHOUTS] THEY CALL ME THE WILD ONE! Yeeeeaaaaah… Hiya, (hic), whaddya want huh? (hic) You wanna ashk me (hic) whut? I… oh… I haven’t been well dear boy… Catsh? On the televish… (burp)… on? I’m all for it. THE WILD ONE! THEY CALL ME THE WILD ONE! You fancy a swift one down the dockers… (hic)… hahah… yeah.

So there we have it. Our own independent review shows that you shouldn’t ever ask a cat for its opinion.