Channel 4 have brought us some shocking tales of kids in the past. We’ve seen the poor buggers who have to prance around in tassels, we’ve seen baby body builders and those horrendous beauty pageants. However, it seems like they’ve saved the most shocking ’til last with Strictly Baby Fight Club (Channel 4, Thursday, 24 April, 9pm).

That’s right. Thursday is the day when you can watch a bunch of kids knocking ten bells out of each other whilst their parents scream at them from the ringside until the veins erupt on their necks. Water-cooler moment anyone?

Anyone who has seen the trailer for this will probably already having sleepless nights. The sight of two primary school kids in a Thai boxing match with baying adults surrounding is enough to give you nightmares. The kind of nightmares that see you sobbing as a bunch of gritted teeth toddlers batter you unconscious with their tiny fists whilst a bloke shouts ‘Go’an, levver ‘im sweetheart!’. Of course, the latter comment may seem a little far fetched, but in Thursday’s Cutting Edge, we’ll get to see a loving father howling “Go on, kick ‘er, Princess!” to his five-year-old girl, who prior to the fight, was bawling her eyes out at the thought of going into the fight.

I can imagine that these moronic parents think that this sending of their offspring into battle on a weekly basis, is better than letting their kids go fat and couch-bound. They’ll also tell you that it will help them defend themselves. That may all be true… but when did it ever become right to let some other kid wrap their shin around your son or daughter’s face for fun? Of all the martial arts, I would have though Thai boxing and kick boxing were pretty low on the list of things that people would be willing to teach kiddiewinkles. Seemingly not. This is an amateur sport that’s increasing in popularity.

When Whitney Houston sang “I believe that the children are our future…”, I don’t think she would have ever thought that the next line could’ve read “because they’re going to kick us all to death and take over the world.”