I’m such a sucker. When my editor asked me if I fancied a go at review the dreadful Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps – Live! (BBC Three, Sunday, 9pm), I said yes. I thought it might be funny if I watched it, then gave it a kicking. It even crossed my mind to not watch the show at all and simply post this video up instead. But I’m a sucker. I watched it, hated it and was acutely aware that I was missing Louis Theroux on BBC Two.
So anyway, I sat down and watched a special live episode of the show which, if you’re smart enough to have avoided it, is a sitcom about the inane goings-on of a bunch of moo-minded losers in Runcorn. The show was wooden and cheap to begin with, so what on earth was the live equivalent going to be like?
Before I start getting angry and dishing out insults, I’ll give you the entire storyline… don’t worry, it won’t take long. The pub they all hang around in reopens after its refurb. The girls of the show all want a job there. They get competitive. Ralf Little is nowhere to be seen and the one who used to be in Hollyoaks tries to prove to everyone that he’s exciting. The end. Okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s crack knuckles and get the boxing gloves ready. As you can see, my glamourous assistant is placing the horse-shoes in as we speak.
Who watches this shitty excuse for a programme? I’ve always wondered that. Now, having seen the show live, I know exactly the kind of person that watches this pitiful show… namely… people who will laugh at absolutely anything… and in fact, they do. Before the show started, I made a list of things that I thought would be in the show. Amazingly, I got full marks. The list is as follows;
- someone falling over
- someone burping
- the word ‘knob’
- someone bumping into something
- a camp voice
- more burping
They were all there… and boy, it was incredible stuff. Being kind, this show is a cross between Loaded magazine and one of the poorer Carry On… films. Basically, tittering a boobies and horrendously lame sexual puns. Quite why this turkey was filmed live is something of a puzzle. Presumably it was to show the actors corpsing now and again… and there was plenty of that alright… but it wasn’t like Pete ‘n’ Dud, rather, more like a bunch of grinning simpletons poking a dead cat with a stick.
Filming this swollen gland of a show live didn’t add an extra dimension. I mean, I remember years ago, E.R. filmed a show live… and it was very impressive indeed. The complex storyline flew past at breakneck speed, and it showed just how good the actors of the show really were. Two Pints… however doesn’t have a storyline as such. In fact, last night’s show took place in two places… a living room and a pub. It’s hardly impressive is it?
The only thing that resembled anything like an attention grabber was the missing Ralph Little. His character Jonny didn’t show throughout, which led me to believe he was dead. Turns out I was right… and I couldn’t care less. The show was so poor that it actually offended me. The jokes were so mind-numbingly obvious that they announced their arrival minutes before the punchline. Imagine a one-man band on fire running at you from across a perfectly empty field for 3 minutes and when they finally get to you, they shout “Ho ho! I’m on fire!” It’s like that, only less funny.
Join TVScoop on Facebook for exclusive competitions and gossip
How strange.
You watch a programme having made your mind up about it already, and then call it a ‘review’. What a pointless exercise.
How closely were you really watching? You say there was ‘plenty’ of corpsing. I spotted two. You slag off the ‘live’ element because of only two locations, but made no mention of the script being stuffed with tongue twisters and other feats that made the whole thing great fun.
Get that? Fun.
Not every programme has to feature deep plot-lines and worthy characterisation. It’s a live action cartoon show – enjoy it for what it is.
And are you sure you weren’t enjoying the knob gags? I only ask because you seem to revel in cocks scribbled on toilet doors on your blog. Sample post: ‘A cock: simple and direct.’
I haven’t read through the whole thing… but then I am ‘smart enough to avoid it’.
Brrrrop! Brrrrop!
Ah, there’s a world of difference between tittering at the word ‘knob’ and a horrendous scribbling by a moron on someone’s house.
Thanks for the plug by the way…
…folks, it’s http://www.grimgraf.com
Mof Gimmers
TVScoop
I loved that review. There was a massive contradiction in there though. The person reviewing ’2 Pints’ said “The jokes were so mind-numbingly obvious that they announced their arrival minutes before the punchline”
Thats kind of how your review was. You only had to read up to “I’m such a sucker. When my editor asked me if I fancied a go at review the dreadful Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps – Live!” it automatically said you werent going to give it a rave review.
As mentioned it was done live whilst at the same time to down a pint of larger, hold a snake, karaoke, do silly tricks, put fire out amonst other things. It was all in FUN. I tell you this, you WOULDNT be able to pull that off. Nor could I therefore it was fantastic just them doing that.
I think your “editor” needs to do a bit of sacking.
Nevermind eh!
I think this was one of the best things I’ve seen on TV for ages. Of course it’s a programme that’s smutty and silly but the cast is fabulously talented and to do the things they did in this live episode was amazing, from the stunts down to the tongue twisters.
It was cleverly written, and cleverly executed. Well done to anyone involved in the programme!
Im glad mofgimmers is getting suitable grief for such a shallow minded review on the Two Pints Live Show…
Do you have any idea what kind of orchestration and talent it takes to pull off something like this …?
Not only from the incredibly talented actors point of view, but also from the point of view of the camera crew, gallery crew (production room), lighting, pyrotechnics, costume and countless others involved in such a fast paced and complex 30 minute broadcast….?
I have to agree with the former poster who said that you had already made your mind up before you had even watched it! Maybe you would have actually enjoyed the show if you had approached it with an open mind, and not begun thinking of insults before the show began?
Contrary to what the reviewer claims I found the live episode to be really very cleverly layed out and as is mentioned before, full of tongue-twisters. There is only two places filmed in, yes, but the reviewer fails to mention the proxemics and unimaginable (and possible show ruining) feats of the live show.
If anyone is willing to give this a try I assure you, your time will not be completely wasted.
And if your so bothered about missing Louis Theroux on BBC 2 why don’t you try sky +ing it?
you are all insane two pins is amaizing
Well I, and I’m sure many others would agree, that the 2 Pints Live special was a great slice of TV! I must also agree with the others, you seem to had made up your mind before even watching the show and I think this affected your review. Be a bit more opened minded in the future.
I really can’t believe you have an editor mate,your writing style’s sh** and more like that of a school kid.
I think the whole show was hilarious and all previous ones are 2. its the best comedy show on tely, and u had already made ur mind up about it. u may not hav noticed, but comedys arent ment to be complex, and it must have put such a strain on the talented actors/actresses to be live and i thought the actors and shows are brilliant, as are the jokes and characters and everything!
I agree! The show is amazingly poor that it’s frightening. It scares me that people consider that humour. It’s toe curling and hideous.
Although really, I should be jealous that I was not born with the special gene that for you who enjoyed it were blessed with, to make it enjoyable viewing for me as well.
learn how to spell RALF not ralph.That episode was the best episode ever,get a sense of humour and chill out its fun,fresh and for young people.
I’m a 52 year old granny with a uni education and Two Pints is one of my favourite programmes.
It is sheer daftness and there’s not enough daftness about at the moment. It’s one of the few prog’s that makes me laugh out loud.
(titty-bang-bang:- now there’s some crap for you!)
I can’t belive your editor actually asked you to review something when you obviously have a firm view of what you like and don’t like.
I also think you will find more people that disagree with you than agree.
Your editor needs to be looking for someone that can actually write a decent review, then sack you.
Knob! Sorry did I offend. Ha.
I completly argee with everyone that said that Mof Gimmers ‘review’ was pointless as he had already gained a negative view of the show before watching. ‘Two Pints’ in general is a brilliant show! and the Live Special was even better! It truly showed all of the actors at their best and proves that they all do their homework!
‘Two Pints’ is a show that does not take itself seriously. It’s main purpose is to make you LAUGH and to have fun.
If the show wasn’t good there is no way it would have ran on for 7 seasons!
To the haters I say: Lightin’ up! it’s COMEDY!!