Right. A show of hands please. Who is watching Big Brother’s Celebrity Hijack? Anyone? I thought as much. I can’t see a single hand. That’s probably because I’m sat at a computer as opposed to looking at a room full of people… and the fact that I’m completely blind in all my eyes after a particularly vicious weekend of drinking… but you get the gist of the point I’m trying to make. It would seem that this new installment of BB is failing to capture the attention of the nation… so will it be the last?

I normally watch Big Brother. I’ve never liked it, but somehow, I always manage to see it. I get slagged by my mates for my knowledge of it… but really… you take it in by assimilation don’t you? You kinda know what is happening even if you’ve missed a week. However, this year, the whole thing has passed me by completely. Going on the official website this morning, it seems that it’s hardly action packed. One ‘headline’ reads “Jeremy has just been to the loo.” Yup. That’s TV gold that is…

It also seems that the producers of the show are wheeling people in to try and claw some viewers in. The popstrells Sugababes performed for the housemates, which, by my reckoning, means that they were watched by no more than 30 people (whoever is in the house and various producers and cameramen) making it the most intimate gig the ‘babes have ever done. While channel hopping the other day, I saw two blokes trying to hit food with a stick. For 5 whole minutes. And they kept missing. It made for dreadful TV.

Of course, there are some who will read this and think ‘so what’s new?’, and you’d be right. BB has always had its fair share of dead air. Filming people sleeping and trumping… watching someone pace around a garden like a caged and decrepit polar bear… people’s conversations muted by birdsong. However, this year, it seems a bit futile. If no-one is watching, then why bother putting all that effort in? Just switch off the cameras and unlock the front door.

The only sad thing about all this is the fact that Dermot O’Leary, who seems like a nice enough bloke, is locked in some kind of reassurance autism. On Harry Hill’s TV Burp the other week, we saw Dermot saying “this is brilliant” over and over and over and over again. It was depressing. With the fantastic lack of support from the nation, it really does feel like Big Brother is in it’s death throes. Will it summon up the strength to show us all one last hoorah or will it just die in its sleep? Either way, we probably won’t see it…

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