For some reason, I’ve seen quite a bit of Top Gear (BBC Two, Sunday, 8pm) over the years… and I have no idea why. There’s quite a few reasons to my puzzlement. Firstly, I despise Richard Hammond. The odious little pipsqueak is one of the most self serving gits on the box. Same goes for Clarkson. He’s an oaf of the highest order. I don’t like cars, don’t even drive and have no interest in car design and engine noises and so on. My viewing wasn’t helped by the fact I’ve been ill all weekend, flipping between a hacking cough and swigging Pine and Honey Balsam (which includes my most hated ingredient, liquorice). So why did I enjoy Top Gear so much?
Top Gear has come a long way since its original format which essentially featured Jeremy Clarkson, Quentin Wilson and Tiff Needell razzing the hell out of very powerful cars and doing very little else. Now, the show is less about cars and more about the characters. Of course, there is plenty of high octane fun, but really, it’s as much about the verbal sparring between Clarkson and the increasingly popular James May. As enjoyable as the show is, yesterday, the show managed to get me onto the edge of my seat and very briefly dragged my out of my illness… but how?
Yesterday, Top Gear reviewed some super cars and drove them around a landing strip at very high speeds indeed. Clarkson, even though the format of the show has changed, has still held on to his analogies and voice drop. You know the one I mean? “If this car was an ice-cream flavour… (drop voice) it would be chocolate and napalm (speed off)”. Yesterday saw Clarkson likening a car to a twig floating on a stream.
However, with the newer aspects of the show, notably the ‘magazine’ section, we’ve really seen Top Gear go up another level. This has been rewarded with greater viewing figures than in the past. Yesterday, Hammond, May and Clarkson all started chuckling away at some smoking pipes made by Porsche, to which (middle England, complaint pens at the ready) all the presenters lit up and enjoyed a good smoke whilst reclining in tatty old armchairs. Clarkson, horsing around, put the pipe into his gob the wrong way ’round for laughs… and it worked. Clarkson, in a rare moment that found him off guard, burst into girly fits of laughter. Brilliant.
All that however, is par for the course. What made last night’s show so f**king impressive was their race to France. Now, you’d be forgiven for thinking that they’d start off in Spain or somewhere and have a race through the mountains. Think again. These three lunatics, with self converted cars… converted into little boats I’ll add… raced to France over the English Channel.
Now, last series, they took to the water in these DIY boatercars on some boating lake or something, and had a jolly old time doing it. This time, they were off to tackle the waves of the shipping lanes. After many failed attempts, which saw May’s vintage car sinking and Hammond’s ‘boaterhome’ getting all knackered up, it was left to Clarkson’s pick-up truck to have a go. Essentially, Clarkson’s pick-up was as normal, save for a welded on outboard motor and all the holes filled in. Rolling around huge waves, we saw the three screaming and shouting with a mixture of glee and pure fear. Well, you would wouldn’t you?
Remarkably, Clarkson’s hobbled together vehicle managed to get to France, leaving this writer breathless (I was already quite breathless from my illness but you get the picture) and thrilled at such folly. It truly was a fantastic piece of telly. Which leaves only one thing for me to do. If Top Gear was a car, it would be a dragster. Fast, fun, furious and completely impractical.
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I know what you mean about questioning why you like the show. When I first saw it, I was like, cars, grumpy old blokes, whatever.
But you grow to love it, and every week it has me in stitches. AND every week I find myself wondering how the hell they get their ideas past the BBC Health and Safety sticklers.
Love the new look, by the way.
Cannot believe I missed that bit argghh.
I would have loved it, I hope someone puts it on youtube or something.
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i love top gear and geremy
Right Hhoever Rote That About Top Gear At The Top Shutup Moaning You Freak..If You Dont Like It Then Dont Watch It! U Only Despise Them All Because Ur A Jealous Twat They Have Actually Done Something Wuith There Lives Whilst U Just Sit There Moaning About A Little Cough? What Are You 7? U Cant Just Slag It Off Then Start Bumming It You Dont Have The Right You Boring Shit..Hammond Is Amazing..And Er Who Duznt Like Cars? LOSER!..Now Shutup And Go Home..And As For You Underneath..There Not Grumpy Old Blokes!
GRRAAARGH! How can you not like Richard Hamster?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Top Gear rules!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!? How could you NOT like Hammond? He’s a fucking legend, and he’s probably endured a lot more than you have, so it just proves that he ain’t a git. You’re the actual git. And Clarkson’s only joking. That’s his nature.
u r pathetic i luv richard the way he can laugh at himself unlike u u pathetic sod moanin bought a cough he almost died but u dont see him makin a big fuss bout it seriously if i ever meet u im going to kill u hamster is the funniest the cutest the smallest and the most talented so shuv a sock in it u mother fucking bastard
Okay I didn’t actually finish reading your review because it’s a big pair of dirty, hairy, smelly b******s. Your so full of hate JUST F*** OFF!
i bet mofgimmers is a lonely begar..not knowing anything abt the fun that richard hamster givs the viewers…….ur a total sh**
If you bothered to read the rest he actually praises the show by the end so…….
how can you not like the top gear team they are AWESOME the hamster, jezza and captain slow are a dream team and they are not grumpy! they are hilarious…you dont like much do you?..
avery you suck up i love all the team especially the stig and if anyone disses top gear any true fan will defend it to the end so…….