After a last minute decision that the rugby coverage needed an extra 15 minutes, which meant that the first of the live finals of The X Factor kicked off 15 minutes earlier than billed, I was lucky to catch the opening number from Kimberley Southwick: It’s Raining Men. That’s “lucky” in the sense that it’s important for a reviewer to see the whole show, not lucky I heard it.

Full of energy? Yes. Great costumes and choreography? Probably. Vocals? Err…no, sorry. As usual most of the judges were quite polite. Simon though can always be relied on to be Simon. When he’s not grabbing an opportunity to have a poke at Louis, he generally tells it like it is, and on this occasion his comment that Kimberley’s performance was “karaoke on a big budget” was right on the money. Click through for the rest of tonight’s performances and results.

Andy – I Don’t Want To Talk About It
Andy had been in the news earlier in the week talking about his nerves. Creative director Brian Friedman admitted Andy was the one most likely to freeze on stage or forget his lyrics. As it happened, he didn’t, but along with many of tonight’s acts his performance was very nervy and not at all at his best.

FutureProof – She’s The One
I’ve never really been into “boy bands” but I have to say it’s quite remarkable how far these guys have come in a short time. Too many acts bang on about how much they “want this” and then sit around on their arses and expect it to just come to them. These guys have clearly put in a lot of work and are starting to look as though they’ve been together for years. A creditable performance.

Beverley – I Will Survive
A very safe choice of song and she still managed to mess up the lyric on the first verse. No-one seemed to notice though as she belted it out towards the end. First night nerves were in evidence here too, and I couldn’t understand why everyone was so enthralled with her ability to “dance” and sing at the same time, when the dancing seemed to consist of swaying from side to side in time with the beat.

Emily – I Knew You Were Waiting For Me
I really hope we’re not going to have the “controversy” of the lowered age limit brought up for as many weeks as Emily remains in the competition. Still, on the basis of tonight’s effort that won’t be very long. Technically this is a very difficult song to sing and she really didn’t do much with it. Her moves were stilted and uncomfortable and her vocals were simply not up to the occasion. And before anyone says “what do you expect, she’s only 15″ I’d just point out that she’s taken one of only 12 final places from 200,000 entrants, so if she deserves that place, she deserves to be treated the same as any other contestant, and needs to be as good as the others.

Leon – Can’t Buy Me Love
I was pleased to hear host Dermot O’Leary (of whom more later) defend Leon’s performance by pointing out to the judge that they complain when an act plays it safe, and then complain when they do something daring and edgy. Leon’s rendition of the Beatles’ classic was certainly different, and at times I got the distinct impression that if he’d been able to keep up with the changed tempo and phrasing it would have sounded fresh and modern. Unfortunately, he couldn’t. He lost it in several places, both timing and pitch, with the result that the whole thing was a complete mess.

Same Difference – Tragedy
Widely tipped as the act to go out this week, I actually found myself enjoying their performance. Yes, it’s cheesy, as everyone knew it would be. But heck, I like cheese. And their enthusiasm and good humour really is very infectious. It’s like the old saying: if you smile at someone they’re more likely to smile back. And these guys never stop smiling. I was very pleased for them when they learned they were through to next week.

Niki – Nothing Compares 2U
And nothing on tonight’s show compared to Niki. Utterly outstanding. Her VT had explained what a meaningful song this was for her, filled as it was with memories of her Dad. For once, this “sob story” didn’t intrude on the evening, but merely provided a touching backdrop to an emotionally charged performance of compelling sweetness and clarity. Her singing was note-perfect and her stage presence was in a totally different class to anyone else on this first night.

Alisha – Dreams
I was quite surprised to see Alisha in the first bottom two and can only think the explanation is that she hasn’t built up much of a fan base yet. Her rendition was nowhere near as bad as some of the others and she looked hot. I guess maybe the whole thing was a bit “so what?” but she definitely wasn’t the second-worst performance of the night.

Rhydian – I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)
I rarely use chat-speak as descriptive text, but really my first thought as Rhydian slid across the stage in the opening bars of the Meatloaf staple was: LOL. Credit to him though, he pulled it off, and no-one will forget that shock of white hair, that permanently shocked expression or that shocking sparkly jacket in a hurry. You might think he’s just another Chico lookalike. He certainly has the chutzpah, the stagecraft and the confidence. The difference is, this guy can sing. For the record, I hate this Meatloaf song (and any of his other overlong dirges that it’s impossible to avoid at karaoke sessions the length and breadth of the country) but it was great fun to watch.

Daniel – Heaven
To be honest Daniel’s song blended into the background for me. I must have spent the entire three minutes woolgathering, because I can’t remember a single thing about it beyond thinking he looked uncomfortable and was straining at some of the notes. Boring with a capital B.

Hope – Umbrella
Alisha may have looked hot tonight; these girls looked smokin’! I’ve only recently begun to “get” Rihanna’s signature tune and I really liked this version of it. Just like Futureproof before them, this five-piece have worked hard to gel as a vocal group. Their harmonies are still a bit hit-and-miss (as at least one of the judges pointed out) but it will be interesting to see how much better they’re going to get over the next few weeks. I don’t think there’s any doubt that on the basis of tonight’s song they will be sticking around for a while.

While we were waiting for the results, I mused on a few random topics. How irritating Fearne Cotton was on the Xtra Factor (look at the damn camera for goodness sake) for a start. And while we’re on the topic of presenters, did you think Dermot O’L was any good? I never thought I’d miss the grabby claw of Kate Thornton but if it’s a choice between her manic air grabs and Dermot the Bland’s identical gesture, I know which one I prefer. For most of the auditions, the guy has been virtually invisible and now he’s FOH for the entire live show, he’s still… err… invisible.

Finally it was time to hear who was going home. Judge Sharon Osbourne, who I have to say had been coming out with totally weird and random comments all night, showed us once again what an unprofessional waste of space she is. The bottom two – Kimberley and Alisha – were both her acts, so rather than support them through the trauma of having to sing again and then do what she’s paid for and vote one of them off, she chose to leave first the stage, then the judges’ platform and then the studio altogether. This naturally gave rise to instant and widespread speculation that she’s left the show completely. I don’t believe that for one minute. She’ll be back next week. But for me, behaviour like that is not only childish in the extreme but also quite unacceptable. This is her fourth year as an X Factor judge. She knows what’s involved and what is likely to happen. Both the audience and her own acts can do without the boring histrionics. Get a grip, woman.

Seeing Kimberley and Alisha performing sequentially should have left no-one in any doubt about who had to go. I don’t know what Dannii was doing voting to remove Alisha apart from perhaps trying to show some solidarity with Sharon, or maybe wanting to prolong the agony and put pressure on Louis to give the casting vote. For once though, he made the right choice and dumped the Brummie barmaid. One down, ten contestants to go.