How much does Nigella Lawson like Pea Soup? Well, on the strength of last nights Nigella Express (BBC2, Monday, 8.30pm) she likes pea soup to the point of the ridiculous. After making some soup, she had a quick bowl before she set off for her 'really full on day'. Her full day seemed to consist of drinking some pea soup on a bus (full of very quiet and still actors) which she caught to go and sit on a bench (whilst drinking pea soup) and then, from the park bench she got in a taxi (drinking pea soup) and went home.

Now, I don't know if you're like me, but a 'full on day' doesn't usually involve me constantly drinking pea soup without a break. This greediness seems to be the main cause of Nigella's wildly fluctuating weight. Still, it's not all pea soup. Hell no. As if Nigella could keep down to one (seemingly constant) meal per day.

Nigella finds some time to make some sweets, sweeties that she'll give to her pal who she's off to see. Oh! You are so busy Nigella! Well, Nigella makes her sweeties and gets in yet another taxi and there unfolds the most ridiculously awful piece of acting ever committed to TV. Nigella pretends to wrestle with her emotions... her will... her resolve. Surely, she can't eat the sweets! SURELY NOT! I could barely take it. Was she? Could she? SHE'S ONLY GONE AND EATEN THE SWEETS! After all that procrastinating, she quipped "Well, I never was very good at self discipline!" and snaffled down a load of honey things (presumably to get the taste of pea soup out of her mouth). When she finally arrives at her chum's house, she taps her little empty silver box and again, starts making excuses about her inordinate gluttony. Oh! She's just like us! She really is!

I wonder if she's like this with everything? Does she do the wine in on the way to a party? Does she play with all her son's toys before he gets to them on Christmas morning? When making a cake, does she have to make double the mix so she can scoff her fill before bunging the pud in the oven? Does she pleasure herself before Charles Saatchi tries to make some sweet love to her? Whatever she's like, she's certainly not putting any thought in to mixing with real people or she wouldn't be so bloody patronising all the time.